


Crack Baby Athletic Association

by shortstackedcheesecake96



Series: Alternate Episodes by Hugh Honey and Vic Vinegar [3]
Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate episode, Established Relationship, Multi, Office Romance, Office Sex, a lot of references to The Office
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-11 09:55:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 32,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28349508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shortstackedcheesecake96/pseuds/shortstackedcheesecake96
Summary: When a documentary crew comes to film the lives of the employees of the Crack Baby Athletic Association, little do Kyle and Eric know the effect it will have on their business, or their relationship of 13 years.(Set in a timeline where the boys don't get screwed over by EA, and they run the Crack Baby Athletic Association into adulthood).
Relationships: Bebe Stevens/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Clyde Donovan/Craig Tucker, Kyle Broflovski/Eric Cartman
Series: Alternate Episodes by Hugh Honey and Vic Vinegar [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1901197
Comments: 16
Kudos: 34





	1. you sound like Cartman

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't the Christmas fic I was expecting to post, and this is something I have been working on, on-and-off since September so I'm glad I'm finally making such progress with it! Also, I was actually hoping to get this first part out before Christmas but I've been pretty sick this week, so that kind of delayed me. 
> 
> The Office has become such a comfort show for me this year. I'm rewatching it for the third time right now so this fic is hardly surprising lol The format was a little tricky for me, because I really want it to have that mockumentary type feel. This chapter is the only one that takes place within the documentary, so the italicised sections which act as talking heads will only be present here. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy and that you've had a lovely holiday season! I'd love to know your thoughts on this! Thank you for reading!

_Kyle finishes lunch at his house early so he can swing by Stan's before heading back to the office. He feels like such a grown-up lately (until he returns home from work and slips into his Terrance and Phillip pjs, or goes there for lunch and eats sandwiches with the crusts cut off). He's done with feeling patronised, talked down to. He's kind of over being a kid now. The Crack Baby Athletic Association's finances are way more stimulating for his brain than simple fourth grade math, and just like a first pet, or a houseplant, having some responsibility over something is fulfilling. The only catch is that he has to work with Cartman day in and day out, but it's not as bad as Kyle imagined it would be. He's actually very supportive of him, and values his opinion a lot. Kyle is going to take that, offensive stereotyping aside. And that is definitely the only catch, yep, there's nothing else for Kyle to disapprove of, disagree with, or feel guilty about. Sure, people may quibble over the rules of crack baby basketball, but at least the babies are getting some attention, at least they have a future now. They may not earn a wage, but you know, they're babies. They could give a wage to their parents, but what would they do? Spend it all on crack, and neglect their children even more? No, it's better this way. For once, Cartman is actually right._

_Kyle has come to terms with this, but Stan is stubborn. He can't open his mind and consider two sides of the argument, can't see the positives. He's getting very cynical lately, and it's a cause of concern for Kyle. He feels that if Stan will just consider his perspective, accept the positives, and that they may be onto something here then that will cement just how totally fine Kyle is with what he's doing. It's not searching for approval exactly, more like reassurance. Everyone needs reassurance, don't they?_

_He walks into Stan's house without knocking, and he's sat on his couch immersed in a video game. Kyle has forgotten what a normal weekend feels like, he's putting in so many hours into the fledgling business. He takes a deep breath, straightening his shoulders as he approaches Stan. Their eyes meet, Stan looks both bored and curious as to what Kyle is going to say. It unnerves Kyle a little, how predictable he's become, and he decides the floor is the best direction to address the speech he's been rehearsing all morning._

_"Dude, what actually makes total sense about it, if you look at it, is that the crack babies are finally getting some attention,_ and _the care that they need." Kyle smiles, glancing at Stan and waiting for his response. None comes, Stan's face doesn't even twitch. Kyle is used to this now, and he continues regardless. "Yeah, it's pretty cool, dude. Because most of these babies would normally not even get out, you know..." Kyle chuckles. "Or be able to do anything!" Kyle glances at Stan again, and his indifference makes him prickly all over. His smile soon fades into a frown. "Just because we are making money doesn't mean that those babies aren't benefitting! It isn't exploiting them! They're finding a useful place in society. What's unethical about that?"_

_Stan doesn't even take his eyes off the screen._

_"You sound like Cartman."_

_Kyle feels like he's been punched in the gut, like his lunch is about to come up and splatter all over Stan's carpet._

_"Oooh..." He puts a hand to his belly, and it's like he can feel his stomach literally sinking. He frowns again, hardening his resolve. "Dude, the thing is, we're not the ones who made them crack babies!" He points a decisive finger at the carpet, damning all the invisible crack baby mothers. "That's their moms' god damn fault!"_

_Stan sighs._

_"Yeah, I'm sure that's what Cartman would say too."_

_Kyle grits his teeth, and clenches his fists quivering with anger._

_"I do not sound like Cartman, goddamnit!" his eyes fly wide open as soon as the words leave his lips, clamping his hands over his mouth. Cartman's inflection leaves a bitter, bad taste. He looks around the living room, as if he's afraid anybody else heard him. But Stan heard him, and that's enough. He feels more nauseous than ever. "Okay, so... see ya... "_

_Stan doesn't say goodbye to him when he leaves, and the cold air is a welcome slap to his face. Stan's words, his words, are ringing in his ears, so utterly damning. But what can he do? He can't imagine giving it all up. The success, the money, the baconalia. He can't imagine not going to the office every day, and the thought of going back to school, back to a place he has definitely grown out of, is just depressing. In a daze, he walks back to the office, finally feeling safe when he's back at his desk. Looking down at the South Park Main street below him, he feels a little better about himself._

* * *

The view of the mountains from Kyle's bedroom window never gets old. He and Eric bought their condo outright when they were 18, nestled high up in the mountains. South Park looks like a monopoly board below them, and all the various buildings look like the little house pieces. The master bedroom is Kyle's favourite room in the whole house, if only because he gets to wake up to the sugar-coated mountains every morning, the massive, wall length window giving him a panoramic view. Even during the most stressful of times for the company, even when he and Eric have fought the night before, he wakes up, looks out his window, and feels the stress slide away from his shoulders. Of course, they tense back up again when he looks at his phone and scrolls through his emails, but it's nice to have that couple of seconds of serenity. This morning, it isn't a depressing news article about the state of the world, or a pressing email that has ruined his bliss, but the empty space beside him. Eric, lying on his belly, cheek smushed into the pillow as he drools and snores is just as familiar a sight as the mountains outside. But only a dried up patch of drool and a crease in the pillow greets Kyle this morning.

Kyle hates a change to his routine. Especially his morning routine. It sets the tone for the rest of the day, and Kyle already knows the tone of today is one of acute anxiety because today is day one of filming for the documentary. Crack Baby Basketball went from being a niche, underground sport only found in a certain corner of the internet, to a nationwide sporting phenomenon and lucrative franchise in the space of about two years. Of course, it's still very far from mainstream, and divides opinion even now. This has formed Kyle's reluctance about the documentary being made, but Bebe said it was a PR dream and an opportunity they would be dumb to reject. Eric, who has always maintained he deserves to be on TV, leapt at the chance.

Kyle pads downstairs, the smell of maple syrup hitting him immediately. He sees Eric, wrapped up in his plush robe, busying himself with mountains of waffles. Kyle catches his eye, which is a good thing because if he hadn't, he probably wouldn't have noticed him at all. He grins.

"Hey, you're up!"

Kyle scowls, Eric's obliviousness instantly grating on him.

"Of course I'm up. This is the time I get up every morning. You're the anomaly here."

Eric raises his eyebrows, and lifts his hands up.

"Jeez, are you always so irritable in the morning? And defensive?"

"No, because I usually have the kitchen to myself."

Eric huffs.

"Well, excuse me for making a delicious breakfast for you, Kyle!"

It does indeed look delicious. The golden waffles are piled high into wobbly, leaning towers. Gleaming maple syrup may be inviting, but it is not a good adhesive. Kyle eyes them up as he takes a seat on one of the island stools, like the waffles are personally tempting him.

"I usually just have fruit-"

"I know, but today is a special day which means a special breakfast! You can't let me eat all these waffles by myself!"

Kyle wrinkles his nose.

"God, why did you make so many?"

Eric looks into Kyle's eyes, impatient, and trying to get through to him.

"I repeat: Special day! Special breakfast!"

Kyle sighs, smiling despite himself.

"Fine. I'll make some coffee-"

"Got it covered," Eric cuts in before Kyle can hop off the stool. He makes his way over to the machine, their coffee is ready and waiting.

He joins Kyle across the island and hands him his mug. They divide the waffles between them, digging in with purpose. Kyle doesn't think he's ever had this many waffles in front of him in his life, and he needs to get dressed, but he'll still try to eat as much as he can.

"You know, this is like the episode where Michael starts _The Michael Scott Paper Company_ and he makes all that French toast." Eric smiles.

Ever since the plans to make the documentary were finalised, Eric was drawn to rewatch _The Office_. They've watched it every day after work, and even when Kyle wakes up after having fallen asleep on the couch, Eric is still glued to it.

"Oh yeah..." Kyle nods. "That was because he was having a nervous breakdown about starting a new company though, so it's not quite... no, wait, it's exactly the same."

"This is excited cooking, not anxious cooking."

"Why do you even wanna emulate Michael Scott?" Kyle asks. He gets why he's Eric's favourite character. Michael is everyone's favourite character because he's undoubtedly the funniest and Steve Carrell is brilliant. But Michael as a character is not aspirational at all, especially to someone like Eric, Kyle thinks. "He's a terrible manager."

"But Scranton were the best branch!"

"Still doesn't change the fact that he's an idiot," Kyle mutters.

Eric smirks, leaning forward with eyes narrowed.

"Is this you actually admitting in the twenty two years that I've known you that you think I'm pretty smart?"

Kyle rolls his eyes. He will not let Eric manipulate him into stroking his ego.

"Of course I think you're smart. You started a multi-million dollar business when you were ten, stupid people don't do that. I just wanna know why you want to emulate him."

"I don't want to _emulate_ Michael Scott, but I feel like we're kindred spirits right now."

"I think you're more David Brent..."

"Oh god..." Eric rolls his eyes dramatically, almost dropping his fork into the mushy remains of his first round of waffles. "We get it, Kyle, you watch French TV. You're so sophisticated."

" _The Office_ wasn't-" Kyle's voice has raised to an irate pitch, and Eric is trying not to laugh with a mouthful of waffles. He shakes his head, not giving him the satisfaction. "Whatever, I think you have the ignorance of Brent and Scott combined."

"Nah, this is all me," Eric boasts, before shoving a huge forkful of waffles into his mouth. "I got my own brand of ignorance." Bits of waffle fly everywhere as he says it.

The rest of the morning unfolds so predictably to Kyle that he can almost forget what he's getting into today. But then he gets in the car and the butterflies, the dread, the notion that this may backfire lurches inside him. He doesn't think the tower of waffles he devoured and are now sitting, leaden, in his stomach are doing him any favours. He hopes his silence can be attributed to just wanting to focus on the road. But how much intense concentration does he need when driving a route he has driven everyday for eight years? And how much can he get away with when he is sat next to a person he's known his entire life?

"Are you at all psyched for this?" Eric asks out of nowhere.

Apparently, the answer to his question is very little.

Still, Kyle nods, fingers flexing around the wheel.

"Yeah, why?"

Eric sighs, tilting his head and it thuds against the headrest.

"You were a little touchy earlier - more touchy than usual, at least - and you seem kinda preoccupied."

Kyle grips the steering wheel a little tighter, embarrassed to admit it.

"I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to act in front of the camera."

"You'll need to act like yourself! They wanna see a day-in-the-life of CBAA headquarters. You know, how each facet of the operation runs, so just act natural."

Kyle frowns.

"What if I do something embarrassing or awkward?"

Eric shrugs, smirking.

"Sounds like natural Kyle to me."

Kyle leans across and punches his arm.

"Hands on the wheel, Kyle!" Eric adjusts his seatbelt. "Jesus, maybe I should drive."

"Driving calms my nerves."

"You'll be great," Eric reassures, in a softer tone. "We'll be great. We're gonna be the new, gay Jim and Pam."

Kyle snorts, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"We're no Jim and Pam."

Eric shifts so his whole body is facing Kyle, like they're having pillow talk or something.

"Okay, then which _Office_ couple are we?"

"I feel like we've already taken this Buzzfeed quiz."

"No, really, who do you think we'd be?"

Kyle sighs.

"I don't know... Michael and Jan?"

Eric scoffs, and turns away.

"God, no, they're awful."

"Erin and Andy?"

"That non-couple? The only thing worse than that is Erin and Gabe."

Kyle winces. He really needs to start paying more attention when they watch that show.

"Erin and Pete?"

"If we're not Jim and Pam we can't be discount Jim and Pam."

"Kelly and Ryan?"

"God, Kyle, why do you hate our relationship?"

Kyle knows that was a mistake as soon as he said it.

"I don't! I just... Dwight and Angela?"

Eric's eyebrows twitch in mild approval.

"They're kinda hot. I was thinking maybe Michael and Holly?" he smiles, turning to face Kyle fully again. "You know, they have quite a bit in common, and they have fun together, and it took them a while to really get together?"

Kyle smiles to himself.

"You just described Jim and Pam. But..." he looks between the road, and Eric's crestfallen face. He sighs. "Okay, if you wanna be Michael and Holly, we'll be Michael and Holly."

Eric grins, leaning across to place a kiss to his cheek.

"Thanks, Holly..." he murmurs against his skin.

"Why am I the girl?"

Eric huffs.

"Because I'm Michael Scott!"

They're pulling into the parking lot to the CBAA building, located under the Main Street. CBAA headquarters is the first and only skyscraper in South Park, built up from the tall, thin building they've occupied for the entirety of the company's history. CBAA's success has done wonders for South Park's economy, allowing for gentrification of the lower income areas, and the development of a fully-fledged ski resort. South Park is the new Breckenridge, and while it has meant families Kyle grew up with having to move to areas where the cost of living is cheaper, CBAA is also the biggest employer in South Park, so that's something. One of the biggest rules Kyle has learned in business, is that life is a series of swings and roundabouts.

When they pull into the parking lot, the film crew are already there, lugging equipment out of the van, and setting up various cameras and mics. They're accompanied by Bebe and Butters, who aren't helping but are huddled together in the freezing cold, subterranean lot, pressing their faces together and giggling. They're the newest office couple, and their honeymoon period doesn't seem to be ending anytime soon. 

"Actually, I think _they_ are Michael and Holly," Kyle points out.

Eric isn't listening, he is staring at the documentary crew with gleaming eyes and a wide smile. Kyle is worried he may actually jump out of the car while they're still moving. If he was a puppy, his wagging tail would be thumping against the seat right now. Luckily, he waits until Kyle has parked in his designated spot before bounding out of the car and over to Butters and Bebe. Kyle soon catches up to him, and Eric squeezes his hand in a reassuring gesture, and also in indication of a 'pinch-me' moment.

Bebe grins and waves wildly when she notices them approaching.

"Hey, guys!" She exclaims. She wrenches herself away from Butters' side to tap on some tall guy's shoulder. "Josh? Let me introduce you to our CEO and CFO!"

Bebe leads Josh over to Eric and Kyle. He's just as tall as Eric, though not nearly as broad, and slightly less pudgy. He has a five o-clock shadow, and wavy, unkempt hair peeking out of his baseball cap.

"Josh, this is Eric Cartman, he's our CEO, and Kyle Broflovski, our CFO. Guys, this is Josh."

There's a round of handshakes and 'nice-to-meet you's' and Kyle hopes his hand isn't too sweaty.

"He'll be directing us for the next two weeks."

Josh raises his hands.

"Oh, don't worry, I'm not gonna interfere too much. I want to see you all be your natural, authentic selves. We're just setting up all our equipment, we'll be placing some smaller, hidden cameras in the office but we'll make you aware where those are. There'll be none in the bathrooms..."

Eric and Bebe laugh at the obvious joke. Kyle's laugher is belated purely because the joke does make him a little uneasy.

"Today is just gonna be about introductions, and getting to know you all. Sound good?"

"Sounds awesome!" Eric grins.

Kyle nods, forcing a smile.

* * *

Much to Kyle's displeasure, the documentary crew is going to be here for a while. Six weeks, at least. But much to his relief they will only be following him around for two weeks as they visit each department. They're starting from the top, with the chief executives, and senior management, before moving onto legal, administration, and so on. It's going to be a really extensive film, which again makes Kyle feel better, because a nuanced, open-minded documentary is all he can really hope for. Still, he does feel a little embarrassed piling into an elevator with Eric, Butters, Bebe and some of the film crew, especially when the crew have to make a few trips to lug their equipment up from the parking lot to the top floor of the building. He knows, as a department, they can all seem quite distant and cliquey, especially since they've all grown up together, and this doesn't do a lot to quash such beliefs.

The elevators open out onto a lobby that is filled with vending machines, and low-maintenance indoor plants. The office layout is pretty much an exact model of the original, because Eric thought it would inspire everyone to remember their roots and contemplate how far they've come. Kyle thinks it's more comparable to TGI Fridays, because it's more fun to eat something while surrounded by posters and memorabilia of franchises you grew up with, than it is to just eat something. They even kept some of the furniture, although rebuffed and varnished so it all looks very sleek and professional. Still, Kyle's heart does swell with nostalgia when he sits down for a meeting at the wide, oak table where Eric first asked him to join the company all those years ago, or looks out of the massive, oval shaped window in his office and contemplates just how much the town has changed.

Everyone is given mic packs and is chattering excitedly amongst themselves, just waiting to be properly introduced. But the camera crew are poised by the automatic doors that lead into the office proper, and Eric is rolling his neck and bouncing on his toes, like a boxer gearing himself up for a big match. Kyle stands with the crew, hands tucked behind his back, and smiling at how ridiculous Eric looks is a good remedy to his anxiety.

Josh begins the countdown to start rolling.

"Three, two, one, action!"

Eric claps his hands together loudly, with a big grin on his face.

"Alright, introductions!" he says, leading the crew into the office. He was right, he is meant for TV. "Let's start small. This is my secretary, Heidi."

Heidi looks up from her desk. She's just as excited as Eric about the documentary, but his nowhere near as confident. She flushes a tomato red instantly.

"Um, hi..." she says, raising her hand in a small, stiff wave.

"So what are your responsibilities, Heidi?"

Heidi blinks, as if she wasn't expected to be asked questions. She tucks some hair behind her ear.

"Oh, I manage Eric's mail, his diary, I take his messages, organise meetings-"

"Yeah, Heidi is like a roomba, if you will." Eric cuts in. All the colour drains from Kyle and Heidi's faces as they both seem to realise he is being dead serious. "She's like a cute little vacuum cleaner that clears my mind of all the boring stuff so I can focus on... big picture things."

Josh nods slowly.

"Sounds like a lot of responsibility."

"Yeah, it is," Kyle answers before Eric can. He gives her a tight, supportive smile. "Heidi does a great job."

Heidi returns the smile and gives Kyle a shy nod.

"Do you have a secretary, Kyle?" Josh asks.

Kyle blinks. His first question has caught him off-guard too.

"Yes, I do, actually." Kyle's office is directly opposite Eric's, so they're only a few footsteps from his secretary's desk. "This is Karen."

"Hi..." Karen smiles, lowering her head so her hair can shield her face a little.

Unlike Heidi, Karen has not been looking forward to the documentary at all. She's always been shy, but Kyle wonders if maybe the attitudes of their respective bosses have affected Karen and Heidi's attitudes to this experience.

"Karen is actually our youngest employee," Eric points out.

Josh smiles.

"Is that right?"

Karen's shoulders draw up, but Kyle can tell she is coming out of her shell a little.

"Yeah, I graduated from community college about six months ago?"

"And what drew you to working here?"

"Um..." Karen purses her lips and glances at Kyle before she returns her attention to the camera. "I guess I just wanted to work for a local company, and CBAA has been really good to South Park."

Josh blinks, and Kyle puffs out his chest a little in pride. Karen was so nervous that for a week she and Kyle have been going over answers to any questions she may be asked, and she did great.

"Okay, good answer. It's nice to meet you, Karen," Josh says, thankfully moving along. "Are you joining us on the rest of the tour, Kyle?"

Kyle bites back a sigh of relief at a chance to escape.

"Oh no, I've got a pretty busy morning. I'll catch up with you later though."

"Great, we'd love to do an interview with you."

Kyle nods.

"That should be no problem, just have a talk with Karen and she'll tell you my availability." He smiles pointedly at Eric. "You guys go have fun."

Eric grins in return.

Kyle has learned it really is sometimes best to indulge him.

* * *

Eric is having the best time. He's been firing on all cylinders, and while it would've been nice for Kyle to join them on the tour - because Kyle is the audience he always wants to impress the most with his incredible sense of humour - he also recognises the need for them to do their own thing.

"I have to warn you guys," he says to the crew. "That this is where it gets boring..."

He walks into Scott's office without knocking, but really everybody should be expecting him to drop by this morning so they can make their introductions.

"This is Scott. He's the head of our HR Department."

Scott waves, and pulls his chair back.

"Hi-"

Eric raises his hand, and wary, Scott sinks back into his seat.

"No need for introductions, Scott, I'll take it from here." Eric clears his throat, and lets his tongue hang limp in his mouth. "'I'm Scott Malkinson, I have a lisp, and I've got diabetes.'" Eric cackles. "Right? Man, never gets old." He says, swiping at the corner of his eye. "We have fun, don't we, Scott?"

_"Yeah, Eric has said that to me every day since I was nine years old. It caught on pretty quickly and everyone says it to me now. People may say that being the head of HR at a company run by Eric Cartman is an exercise in futility but it's not too hard. Kyle keeps him in check a lot of the time, but with you guys here..." Scott sighs, solemn. "Kyle's got his work cut out for him."_

Eric is still chuckling to himself as he ushers the crew out of the room.

"Alright, let's get out of here so Scott can shoot up or whatever he does..."

"My sugar's fine, you don't have to go!"

"No, we really do. Time is of the essence."

Eric shuts the door tightly behind him, locking the boring in. He hates being in Scott's office too long, it really bums him out.

"Sorry about that. He doesn't get many visitors, so he gets a little over-excited..." he claps his hands and grins. "Anyway, let me introduce you to the OGs!"

"What are OGs?" Josh asks, walking alongside Eric.

"That's what we call the people who've been here since the beginning with me. That's Craig, Clyde, Butters, and Kyle. Speaking of which, Josh, I'd like you to meet Craig Tucker and Clyde Donovan." Clyde and Craig are the only two people who have open plan offices. They get out of their seats dutifully as Eric calls upon them. God, he fucking loves being in charge. "They oversee all our event management."

_"So event management is all about building relationships with talent and venues, managing ticket sales-"_

_"Yeah, our mission is to make every CBAA game lit and off-the-hook!" Clyde interjects._

_Craig smiles, and sighs, looking at the camera._

_"We really have our finger on the pulse of young America."_

_Clyde leans close into the shot, doing a shockabra gesture with his tongue sticking out._

"Clyde and Craig are also board members," Eric explains as they head to Butters office. "As is Butters, and..." Eric stops when he opens the door to Butters office, and sees Bebe sitting cross-legged on his desk. He frowns. Everybody was supposed to be at their desks! He narrows his eyes. "You've already met Bebe."

"Sure, hi..." Josh waves.

"Hi!" Bebe smiles. "Sorry, we were just in the middle of something."

"Oh, we can come back."

Bebe waves off the suggestion.

"It's no big deal." She tosses her hair over her shoulder and smiles at Butters. " _Vernacular_ for dinner tonight?"

Butters nods, beaming at her.

"Sounds super, honey..."

Bebe presses a kiss to his cheek, before hopping off the desk.

"Bye, babe..."

Butters gives her a small wave, staring after her with moony eyes and a red lipstick print on his cheek.

"Excuse me..." Bebe murmurs as she squeezes past the film crew.

Eric smoothes down his tie, not letting being upstaged by Bebe get to him

"As I was saying before being rudely interrupted by my PR manager, this is Leopold 'Butters' Stotch', our head of communications."

"Nice to meet you, Leo," Josh says, shaking Butters' hand.

"Pleasure to meet you too, Josh!"

"Butters oversees all our social media, our advertisement opportunities, all our promotional stuff. When CBAA was first starting out, Butters would be in charge of posting the videos on Youtube."

"Wow, so your role has grown enormously, then?"

Butters nods. His cheeks must be aching he's grinning so hard.

"Sure has!"

"Did you undertake any training as your role developed?"

Butters blinks, smile wilting a little.

"No, not really. It's all about learning on the job here."

Eric nods.

"It's a real hands-on approach."

"I see..." Josh smiles at Butters again. "Well, it was nice talking to you."

"You too!"

Eric decides he's not going to formerly introduce Bebe as he leaves the room.

"We're really interested in the relationship between you and Kyle," Josh says as they stroll down the hall together. "Would you mind if we sat the two of you down for an interview to discuss that?"

Eric beams at the chance to partake in an interview.

"Sure, not at all!"

He marches to Kyle's office with the film crew trailing behind him, and Karen is busy typing away when they approach her desk.

"Hi Karen, would Kyle be available for a quick interview?" Josh asks.

Karen looks a little startled, as if she's on stage and has just been prompted for her line. She reaches for a little notebook.

"He does have a pretty busy morning, let me check..."

Eric shakes his head.

"No need..."

He walks straight into Kyle's office to find him scrolling through his phone.

"Hey, Kyle, you busy?"

He jumps at the sound of Eric's voice, and his chair rolls back from his desk.

"What the fuck!"

Eric snickers.

"Clearly not..."

"You can't just barge into my office, Eric!" Kyle snaps, flushed. "Damn it, Karen was supposed to tell you I was busy all morning!"

Eric arches a sceptical eyebrow at him.

"Karen can fool Josh, but she can't fool me. They want us to talk about our incredible Michael and Holly love story, so come on..."

Kyle sighs, body slumping before he gets out of his chair.

"Fine..."

_"So Kyle and I met in preschool, we were best friends-"_

_"Well, not best friends." Kyle frowns. "We argued, like, constantly, and you were pretty fucking awful to me."_

_Eric gasps, and looks at Kyle with his mouth agape._

_"You were awful to me too!" He thinks for a little while before returning his attention to the camera, and Josh sat across from them. "But I would call us best friends. Just 'friends' sounds a little bland to describe what we were. I don't think we were really enemies though. More like rivals."_

_Kyle nods._

_"Or foils to each other's plans. Usually Eric's plans."_

_Eric smiles._

_"Convoluted schemes were, like, my favourite pastime."_

_"So one day I decided to volunteer at the local hospital to help crack babies. Those really depressing Sarah McLachlan commercials were on TV at the time, and when I got to the hospital I saw that Eric was there with a video camera. I became suspicious so I followed him all the way here and that's when Eric let me on in the operation and offered me the position of bookkeeper."_

_"I knew he'd be perfect for it, but I had to court him a little. It involved a lot of baconalia."_

_They both chuckle, and Eric can see Kyle rolling his eyes._

_"So what finally convinced you?" Josh asks._

_"Umm... well, it was a good business model, for one."_

_"Did you ever volunteer at the hospital again?"_

_"No," Kyle replies a little forlornly. "No, I didn't really have time."_

_"What did you think of the methods that were used to... make crack baby basketball possible, for lack of a better phrase?"_

_"I thought they were definitely... unorthodox. I've always understood people's concerns because I was hesitant at first, but it is beneficial to the babies. It gives them opportunities they may never have."_

_"But not a monetary benefit? The babies don't get paid, do they?"_

_"Well, they're babies it's quite difficult to pay them," Kyle replies, with a faint laugh._

_"Do their parents get compensation?"_

_Kyle shifts in his seat, and his mouth opens before Eric steps in._

_"Our practices are ongoing dialogue. We recognise times have changed and we're always finding new, and exciting ways to support our players and their families, but ultimately we believe that monetary benefits are detrimental to their wellbeing. Could we move on please?"_

_Josh purses his lips, and nods._

_"Of course. Let's get back to your relationship, so... you've been together for thirteen years?"_

_Eric beams at Kyle, and Kyle's eyes soon find him, smiling shyly._

_"Yep, we've been together since we were thirteen."_

_"So childhood sweethearts then?"_

_Kyle scratches behind his ear, before nodding slowly._

_"Yeah, I guess we are."_

_"Have you ever thought of getting married?"_

_Eric and Kyle's eyes meet as if to ask who should be the one to answer. They've talked about marriage a few times, and have been asked about it even more so they already have a statement prepared._

_"We've talked about it, but just in relation to our assets and stuff," Kyle answers. "We've been together for so long, I don't think we need a big party or a certificate to prove that we love each other."_

_"Does that mean you've thought about separation then?"_

_Eric stiffens immediately._

_"No, Kyle doesn't wanna leave me-"_

_"Not at all," Kyle cuts in. "But I think it's naive to not take everything into consideration when you're in business with your life partner."_

_"See?" Eric brags, gesturing to Kyle while he arches a wary eyebrow. "Life partner! That means he's not getting away that easily."_

_"I apologise if I've caused any offence."_

_Kyle shakes his head, clearly wanting to move on._

_"You haven't."_

_"So you said you didn't consider yourself best friends when you were younger, Kyle, would you still say that's the case? After having worked together for so long and fallen in love?"_

_Kyle sighs._

_"No..." he shakes his head, before reaching for Eric's hand and beaming at him. "No, he's definitely my best friend."_

_Eric smiles too, squeezing Kyle's hand and addressing the camera._

_"Clyde, and Craig, and Butters have been here since the beginning, sure, but I don't think anybody else gets what's it like to have all this responsibility except us. I couldn't do this without him."_

* * *

_"So what we're working on right now is getting Lorde to perform at our March Madness event," Craig explains. "The final game is St Mary's versus Hell's Pass. It's huge, and it would be huge to snag Lorde because this is the first album she's released in years and she's tricky to get hold of. Like, she hasn't been doing the talk show circuit, or any interviews at all. We've definitely faced challenges before in booking celebrities that are exclusive, or very private, but we've got them eventually. It just normally doesn't take this long." he sighs. "Don't tell Clyde I said this, but it is kinda looking like a dead end... but going back to the drawing board now is gonna suck balls."_

Unless it's home time, the lobby is a place Craig never wants to be. If he's in the lobby, it means Clyde is crying at his desk again and the second-hand embarrassment Craig feels is too potent for him to ignore. He has to hurry him out into the lobby to give him a pep talk, calm him down, maybe give him a hug until the waterworks and hyperventilating stop and they can calmly make their way back to their desks. There are two obvious solutions to this problem that Craig has considered, because he's not an idiot. Both solutions forget about this out-in-the-open setup they have that makes Clyde's crying vulnerable to concerned, uncomfortable stares from the likes of Karen, Heidi, or anybody else who happens to pass. Solution one is that Craig and Clyde get an office each, but this makes it a lot harder for Craig to keep an eye on Clyde. Solution two is that they share an office, but Craig worries this would be distracting at best, and way too tempting at the very worst. So for now this set-up works just fine, and has been working well for years. Craig can't see it failing him anytime soon.

Craig doesn't know what the trigger is for Clyde dropping his head into his arms and bursting into tears. He noticed the tears a split-second before Heidi did and flew out of his chair to wrap his arms around Clyde's shoulders and lead him to the non-judgemental, quiet lobby where they can both gather their thoughts. He believes, however, that it most likely is relating to the fact they still haven't booked Lorde yet.

"Dude, Clyde, look at me, it's going to be fine," Craig says as Clyde walks around in a circle, wrists pressed to his eyes and staring up at the ceiling. "It's not as if we haven't dealt with this before."

"This is nothing like before, Craig!" Clyde throws his arms down, and his puffy, tear-streaked face gleams under the fluorescent lighting. "She's like a fucking ghost! We've got no office address, our emails keep getting sent back to us!"

"You spoke to her publicist though, right?" Craig asks, arms folded and trying to meet Clyde's eyes. "What did he say?"

Clyde frowns, face crumpling, and when he wipes his nose with the back of his hand he does so with a loud sniffle that is both cute and gross.

"He said he'd get back to me, but he also sounded stoned out of his skull so I think he's forgotten all about us."

Crag sighs, looks down at the floor.

"Jesus, man..."

"You know, there's a difference between wanting a private life and being fucking ignorant, you know?" Clyde snaps. There's always at least a minute respite from his despair, and it usually comes in the form of anger. "It's like she doesn't want to be found! But if she doesn't want people to know who she is, then why be a fucking celebrity? You can't have your cake and eat it too, Lorde!"

Craig looks up, smirking.

"Kinda seems like she is though..."

"No, you're not supposed to agree with me!" Clyde yells, advancing towards Craig with fists clenched at his sides. "You're supposed to tell me to snap out of this, otherwise I'll start spiralling and saying things like 'what if she's not real?'" He stares at a spot in the corner, and starts to hyperventilate. This is not good. His eyes widen and return to Craig. "Oh my god, Craig, what if she's not real?"

Craig raises his hands in a pacifying gesture.

"Calm down..."

"No, Craig, what if this is Slash all over again? What if she's just one of our parents?"

"She's not one of our parents," Craig replies, placing his hands on Clyde's shoulders and trying to meet his eyes once more. "She's a humble, twenty-three year old girl from New Zealand, you know that."

"Unless that's what they want you to believe! Oh my god, Craig, are we gonna have to go to her fucking farm in New Zealand?" Clyde grabs Craig's shoulders and shakes him a little. "We don't have time! We don't even know where it is! We can't just wander around the New Zealand wilderness for-"

He's cut off by Craig cupping his face and bringing him to his lips. It's a hard kiss that soon mellows. Craig can hear Clyde's breath hitch in surprise, before he feels him exhale, hot and slow through his nose. A smile twitches in the corner of Craig's mouth. He can feel some of the tension sliding off his own shoulders, his own anxiety and frustration floating in the ether before he sucks it back in again. He smiles when they part, and keeps his hands on Clyde's face.

"Hey..." he murmurs, thumb brushing against Clyde's cheek. He presses their foreheads together. "It'll be alright. No one is going to New Zealand. We are going to find Lorde, we are going to talk to her, and she'll perform at the game, and then there will be no doubt that she is a real person. Okay?"

Clyde nods, eyes lidded and hazy, and lips parted. He has a face that gives everything away, and Craig never gets bored of looking at it. 

"Okay..." he closes his eyes and nods some more. "Sorry..." he chuckles. "I guess I went a little Tweek there, huh?"

Craig frowns, and when he takes a breath it's like he's inhaling all that anxiety and frustration back into his system.

"We said we wouldn't-"

"I know, I'm sorry-"

Craig kisses him again.

"Stop apologising, it's alright," he murmurs, nuzzling Clyde in an effort to keep him calm. "You're alright. We'll keep trying, huh?"

Clyde nods, and shoots Craig a smile that says he feels better and will try to keep positive.

Craig grins.

"Let's go back inside."

Their smiles vanish as they enter the office, the cameras pointing directly at them and no doubt capturing everything. They're frozen, and Clyde is staring at Craig helplessly for his lead. Craig just gulps, smoothes down his shirt and makes his way back to his desk, brushing past the crew. Clyde follows, and they don't talk for a while.

_"Are me and Craig dating? No." Clyde shakes his head and smiles. "No, we're just friends." He sighs, fiddles with his tie. "He's already in a relationship."_

_"Yes, I have a long-term boyfriend," Craig says a little testily. An hour after they were caught kissing, they were asked to do separate interviews. "Look, before you say anything more, my boyfriend and I work long hours, and Clyde... he really gets the pressure I'm under. And making him feel better, makes me feel better, and feeling better involves kissing each other sometimes..." Craig rubs a hand over his mouth, avoiding the camera. "I really care about them both," he mumbles._

* * *

Maybe it's because she is the little sister of one of his best friends, or maybe it's because how seriously Kenny takes his big brother role of being there for Karen, but Kyle finds himself rather protective of her. He knows, of course, that she is a young woman who is more than capable of taking care of herself, but he at least wants her to feel that she can always talk to him if something is bothering her. Right now, that is Butters and Bebe, and their incessant PDA and Kyle is right with her on this one.

The first complaint was raised yesterday when Karen knocked on Kyle's door with the copies he wanted made, but that took forever to actually get done because Bebe and Butters felt like the copier was the best thing for them to make out against. Kyle knows that Heidi feels the same because Eric told him so, and he's had similar conversations with Craig and Clyde over the course of the two weeks Butters and Bebe have been dating.

A second complaint was raised today while Karen was on her lunch and couldn't get to the fridge because Butters and Bebe had, again decided to make out against it. Kyle decides that Scott is the best person to deal with this, to keep things fair and above board.

"What if Butters and Bebe get mad at me?" Karen asks, arms wrapped around herself as she accompanies Kyle to Scott's office.

"They're not going to be mad at you, they're not even gonna know it was you! This is why we're talking to Scott, so they can get mad at him instead. This is what HR is for."

"Maybe I'm overreacting..."

"You're not overreacting," Kyle insists. "Making out like that against the copier is inappropriate-"

"It wasn't just the copier!" Karen snaps, frustration welling up again. "It was the fridge too! I couldn't get to my lunch for, like, ten minutes because they were just ignoring me." She sighs. "It's like they have a forcefield around them or something-"

"But they don't," Kyle cuts in. They're outside the office now, and Kyle looks her in the eyes. "Make sure you tell Scott all of this, okay?"

Karen nods.

"Alright..." Kyle says slowly, before knocking on the door.

"Entree vous."

"Hi, Scott," Kyle says as they enter the office.

Scott looks up from his desk and smiles.

"Hey, guys. What's up?"

Kyle looks at Karen. She regards him warily, with her hands clasped in front of her.

"Karen and I wanted to talk to you about Butters and Bebe. The PDA..."

Scott sighs, leaning back in his chair.

"Oh yes, I have noticed... it is a bit much. I have been meaning to flag it up with them, but it's a very delicate situation. If it's making their colleagues uncomfortable, however, it has to stop."

Kyle nods, standing up straight and smiling.

"I totally agree."

"Are there any particular instances that have made you uncomfortable?"

Kyle looks at Karen encouragingly. She tucks some hair behind her ear.

"Um... well..." she keeps glancing at Kyle before she sighs and forces herself to look at Scott. "They were making out by the copier yesterday for over fifteen minutes, and then today up against the fridge for ten. I keep asking them to move but it's like they can't hear me. In the end I just had to get in between them which was kinda awkward. I was worried I would grab Bebe's boob - uh, breast." She flushes, shoulders drawing up. "Can I say boob in here?"

"Yes, you can."

"It's just... I'm happy for them. They seem really into each other, but I don't think it's fair that they act like they're the only ones in the office. It's not professional."

"Did you want to sit down with Butters and Bebe?"

Karen's eyes widen in alarm.

"No! No meeting!"

"Can't you just sit down with Butters and Bebe by themselves?" Kyle asks. "They're all over each other, sure, but they must have some self-awareness."

"That may lead to animosity. Usually when I sit down with people by themselves with an anonymous complaint they become more focused on finding out who complained than resolving the issue."

"So what do we do?" Karen asks, arms slowly coming up to wrap around herself again.

Scott thinks for a while, before a light bulb seems to switch on above his head. He gives them a bright smile.

"How about a refresher on our Workplace Behaviour policy? Everyone is included that way, and it's educational and beneficial for all of us."

Karen nods to herself, a relieved smile twitching in the corner of her mouth.

"I like that..."

So does Kyle. It may seem a bit much, but it may also be useful for Eric to hear since he's going to be showing off and trying to outdo himself an awful lot more now that there's a camera crew here. Although he does rarely listen to Scott, Kyle can reinforce whatever they discuss in the meeting if Eric starts getting out of line.

"Yeah, I suppose that could work. Could we hold this meeting this afternoon, Scott?"

"Of course!"

Kyle nods.

"Thank you."

"Thanks, Scott..." Karen smiles, before they slip out of the office.

_"Butters and I have been dating for about two weeks now and it's going really well. Usually I don't fall for guys so fast, but there's just something about Butters that makes me wanna open up. He just has this really sweet, trusting, happy face that I just wanna kiss all over, you know?" Bebe giggles. "He's like a teddy bear."_

_"Bebe is my dream woman!" Butters gushes in a separate interview. "She's just like Kim Kardashian but even more beautiful! I can't believe I get to kiss her, and touch her, and hang out with her every day. It's perfect. She's so perfect. Ain't it crazy how the perfect girl is under your nose the entire time?"_

In the conference room later that day, the table has been pushed back and the chairs are facing the far wall. Everybody is talking amongst themselves while they wait for the last person to arrive which, unfortunately, is Kyle. A call with legal ran late. He gives Scott a brief, apologetic nod and smiles to himself when he finds his empty chair next to Eric.

"So rude to keep us waiting..." Eric murmurs with a smirk as Kyle sits down.

"I didn't realise it was rude of me to do my job..." Kyle's smile vanishes when he notices that Butters and Bebe are sat in front of him. Or, more accurately, Bebe is sat in front of him with Butters on her lap.

"Alright, now that we're all here we can start," Scott begins. "Firstly, I want to say thank you, everyone, for taking the time to come to this impromptu meeting. I just thought now that we have a camera crew here who will be following us very closely for the next two weeks, it was appropriate to have a refresher on our Workplace Behaviour policy. I know we want to present ourselves well, and represent the company well. So to kick things off, I wanted to talk about, uh, PDA. PDA, as I'm sure you're all aware, stands for 'public displays of affection' namely things like kissing, and hand-holding etcetera. Now, there is nothing wrong with a quick peck on the cheek, or a brief hug. We're not robots, and office romances are a common enough thing. But there should be a distinction between your private life and your work life, and when PDA is distracting, impedes you from doing your work, or makes others uncomfortable, that's when it becomes inappropriate-"

Scott is interrupted by a loud yelp that makes most of the front row jump. It certainly makes Kyle jump anyway. Bebe is nibbling at Butters' ear while he giggles and squirms about. The room seems to sigh with quiet, annoyed grumbles.

"Hey," Heidi says, leaning over and tapping Bebe's shoulder. "Maybe you guys should listen to this?"

The room holds its breath, and Heidi reclines in her seat. Whatever guts she had to say that seem to be withering now.

"Uh-us?" Butters asks.

"What? Is this all about us? Scott, did you hold this meeting just to reprimand us in front of everyone?" Bebe snaps.

Scott wrings his hands and looks around the room. His mouth opens and closes like a goldfish, and Kyle winces when he gulps loudly. You can tell just how dry his mouth is.

"Butters, there are plenty of chairs in here you could sit on..." he says.

Bebe huffs, shaking her head.

"Oh my god, I can't believe this!" she exclaims, pushing Butters off her lap and standing up. "This is so humiliating!"

Kyle doesn't know whether he wants to curl up into a ball or get in the middle of them and put a stop to this. This is kind of his fault, after all.

Scott raises his hands in a pacifying gesture.

"Now, Bebe, calm down."

"Honey, it's alright," Butters says. He tries to reach out for her wrist but she snatches her hand away.

"No, it's not alright!" She puts her hands on her hips. "You have a problem with us and instead of sitting us down like grown-ups privately you have to make an example of us?"

Scott's hands move into a humble - or maybe pleading - prayer gesture.

"I accept that maybe I could've handled this better, but complaints were made, Bebe."

"By who?"

"That is confidential."

"Oh, now you wanna be professional, Scott?"

"Like you're one to talk, Bebe!" Eric exclaims. Kyle's eyes fly wide open. Eric really is his jurisdiction and he isn't above clamping a hand over his mouth to shut him up. "You made us look like assholes when I walked into Butters office and you were draped all over his desk like a floosy!"

Kyle's body flares with an acute mix of anxiety and anger.

"Eric!"

Bebe has never looked so furious. Kyle can't take his eyes off her and he hopes he at least looks somewhat apologetic.

"What did you just call me?"

"Please let's not get into name-calling!" Scott begs.

"So I guess you ratted on us, then?"

Eric shrugs.

"Didn't need to. When you and Butters are all over each other with your gross PDAs, you make yourself a target so you kinda ratted on yourself."

Bebe snarls.

"Oh my god..."

Butters leaps out of his chair to hold her back from Eric.

"Oh my god, you are such a hypocrite!"

Eric scoffs.

"A hypocrite?" He raises his arms wide, almost hitting Kyle in the face as he leans forward. "You ain't got nothing on me!"

Scott raises his index finger, and makes a silent 'ah!' sound.

"This was an example I was going to bring up, Eric and Kyle are a very good example of an office romance." He smiles, indicating for everyone to look at Kyle and Eric, when a seething Bebe is far more interesting. "They don't hug, they don't kiss, you would barely even know they were in a relationship."

Kyle has slumped down in his seat, hand pressed to his temple. He glares at him.

"Not now, Scott..."

"Hell yeah!" Eric grins. "See?" he gives Kyle's shoulder a nudge. "Leading by example!"

Kyle directs his glare at him.

"Seriously, not now, Eric..."

Bebe tilts her head and taps her chin. Her eyes are narrowed as she pretends to scrutinise Eric's words.

"Hmm, see, that's bullshit, Eric, because I _have_ had sex in this office!"

Kyle stares, aghast at Bebe, and he's sure he's not the only one.

"Yeah, I'm gonna get into it!" she cries. "I've had sex here, as has Heidi, as has Craig, as has Clyde-"

"Bebe, what the fuck?!" Craig yells from the back of the room.

Bebe's face pales immediately.

"Oh shit, Craig, I'm sorry! I didn't mean for that to..." she turns to the nearest cameraman. "You can cut that out, right?"

The cameraman nods, and Bebe presses a hand to her chest and sighs. All the while, Kyle is sinking further and further into his seat, embarrassed and insecure. He's said out loud so many times that he doesn't care what people think of him, but of course he does. Everybody does, and now he's worrying that everyone is thinking of him as the odd one out, that his relationship with Eric is devoid of any passion at all if they've been together so long and they haven't been overcome by the urge to fuck each other at their desks or whatever.

Butters looks around the room, frowning.

"Wait, we haven't had sex in the office..."

Bebe pales again, mouth opening and closing. She runs a hand through her hair.

"Oh, sweetie, it wasn't with you." She smiles. "It was a long time ago..."

_"I know who Bebe was talking about," Karen says with a sigh. "She hooked up with my brother. He's a really good friend of Eric and Kyle's, so he hangs out with us a lot. I just didn't realise they hooked up here." Her eyes wander to a spot in the corner when a realisation hits her. "I bet that's who Heidi had sex with too..."_

* * *

Considering how disastrous the meeting went, everybody just shuffles out in silence, not as eager to escape the car crash as Kyle thought they would be. Bebe storms back to her office with Butters trying to catch up to her, and Scott scurries away with his tail between his legs. Everyone just wants to get on with their day, though doesn't necessarily want to converse with each other. God, it was such a bummer. Kyle, on the other hand, can barely concentrate when he has so much on his mind. He wishes he was kicking himself more for the meeting, but he's more down on himself about the sexual activity in the office of which there is apparently plenty and he hasn't participated in. A fear of being left out is a residual phobia from childhood he has never gotten over, and while he's never contemplated or wanted sex in the office he feels a yawning, insecure pang in his chest at the fact he hasn't had it. He knows it's irrational, but very rarely do people obsess over what is rational.

As always when he has a lot on his mind he is drawn to Eric. Being alone in his office with just his thoughts is torture, especially when he has to face the work he is putting off doing due to his obsessing. Being with Eric alleviates some of that pressure. It's fun, and distracting, and it makes him feel better about slacking off. Not that he's much company when his mind is on something, he just lets Eric do all the talking for them which he never seems to mind.

Kyle is leaning against a vending machine, watching Eric make his candy selection.

"Well, that got out of hand," he remarks.

Kyle snorts, grateful for the levity.

"Yeah..." he shifts a little closer to Eric and tries to meet his eyes. "You need to apologise to Bebe though."

Eric shrugs, still focused on the treats behind the glass.

"I will when she's calmed down."

"I think you need to do it now. There's a very real chance that if you apologise to her when she's calm you'll piss her off again. You need to get ahead of this."

"That's a chance I'm gonna have to take then, because I am not going into her office now. She's probably angrily fucking Butters in there as we speak."

Kyle grimaces.

"Ew..." His arms are folded, and he fidgets a little as he tries to brace himself to broach the subject. Naturally, all his obsessing over this matter has led him to what Eric thinks of it all. In a hypothetical scenario, if he was going to have sex in the office, it's going to be with him. "Can you believe how many people have had sex here? Who would even wanna do that?"

Eric chuckles, spares Kyle a glance.

"I know, right?"

Kyle can't stop imagining his co-workers in intimate positions all around the office, and parts of their bodies he never wanted to imagine touching surfaces that people rest their coffee mugs on every day. He wrinkles his nose.

"Should we have this place deep-cleaned?"

Eric chuckles again, fonder this time and smiles at Kyle.

"I think you're over-reacting..." his eyes light up. "But maybe we could get one of those infra-red thingies to show up all the cum like they do in those exposés on gross hotels-"

"This isn't making me feel better!" Kyle snaps. "Really though, what makes you think it's even acceptable to have sex in the office? How is that at all exciting?"

Eric shrugs, trying to be innocent and casual.

"I don't know, I guess... you could be sat in a conference room, and like, nobody knows you've fucked in there except you and the other person..." he shrugs, as if selecting his candy and putting his change into the machine is more interesting. "Could be kinda cool."

Kyle gasps, both delighted and horrified that the words that are simultaneously all he wanted to hear, and are his worst fear, have been revealed.

"Oh my god, you wanna have office sex, don't you?"

Eric's face is pinking, and he's still avoiding Kyle's gaze as he smirks.

"No..."

"You do! You so do!" Kyle laughs, but his grin soon fades as his worst fear soon overtakes his relief. "So why haven't you tried to fuck me here then?"

Eric turns to him with a frown.

"Huh?"

"Eric, we've been together since we were thirteen, we spent so many nights alone here, why haven't we ever had sex in the office?"

"Hey, I do recall asking you if you wanted to watch each other jerk off in the gravy hot tub!"

"And I said no because that would've been disgusting!"

Eric sighs wistfully.

"I miss that tub..."

Kyle rolls his eyes and grimaces, folding his arms again.

"You're the only one who does. Your office just reeked of KFC."

"Exactly, it was perfect!" Eric reaches down to grab his M&Ms out of the machine, before moving closer to Kyle. "Listen, Kyle, would I like to have sex in the office? Yeah, sure. It could be fun. But the reason I never tried to is because I knew you wouldn't be into it, and I didn't wanna put pressure on you to do something you didn't want to do. I'm not Harvey Weinstein."

Kyle huffs, the ball is now entirely in his court which he wouldn't mind except he has no idea what to do with it. He's relieved that Eric has at least considered sex in the office, that their relationship is more passionate than Kyle gave them credit for, and that Eric doesn't view him as some sexless stick in the mud. But he's still undecided on if sex in the office is something he actually wants to do. It could be fun, and exciting, and at least this would make him part of the club. He wouldn't feel so left out anymore. Plus, Eric seems really into it, and from experience Kyle knows that Eric being Really Into It makes for some pretty amazing sex. The only things that are holding him back is some stubborn sense of pride, and letting Eric cajole him into something he is 97% sure he wants to do anyway.

"Well... even if we did wanna do it, where could we go?" He needs to make an informed decision. Getting caught may be a thrill to others, but not to Kyle. You can't afford that luxury when you're in a position of power and have to maintain the respect of your staff.

Eric shrugs. His eyes are dark already, boring into Kyle like they're hypnotic.

"My office."

Kyle blinks, startled.

"Huh?"

"Kyle, we don't have to sneak around. We're in charge. We can do whatever we want."

Kyle prickles all over, his breath catching in his throat. This is starting to feel like a good idea. Or at least something he really, really wants to do.

"Your office..." he repeats slowly.

A grin spreads across Eric's face.

"Yes," he says with a short, decisive nod. "Maybe I'll see you in there in five minutes..."

Eric opens his M&Ms and backs away from Kyle, tipping some into his mouth and only turning around to slip through the sliding doors. He keeps looking over his shoulder to make sure Kyle is still there, perhaps to check if he's started following him. Kyle keeps his feet rooted to the floor, staring at him as he weighs up his decision. He both wants to keep Eric in suspense until he's back in his office, and wants to buy some time. He watches Eric slowly close his office door, their eyes on each other the entire time.

Kyle has made his mind up. He's going to have sex with Eric in his office. He smoothes down his tie, and the contact between his hand and his chest makes him jolt. He still feels prickly, and wired, like the notion has filled his body with this strange, nervous charge. He takes a breath and counts to five to gear himself up, his anticipation only building as he imagines Eric staring at the door, waiting for him to come and wondering if he actually will show up. Feeling a lot more invigorated, Kyle strides over to the sliding doors and balks when he nearly walks straight into the camera crew on the other side. No doubt they caught that entire conversation. He frowns, before ducking his head and marching swiftly in the direction of Eric's office.

Heidi looks up from her computer and smiles.

"Hey, Kyle..."

Kyle nods absent-mindedly.

"Hi..."

He slips inside Eric's office, both excited and furious with himself as he locks the door. When he turns around, Eric is leaning back in his chair with a triumphant, ecstatic grin.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Shut up," Kyle replies breathlessly. He's skittish as he looks around the room. "Are there any cameras in here?"

Eric shakes his head, still smiling.

"No..."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Kyle chews his lip as he considers what other provisions need to be made before they can do this. He clocks the large windows and rushes over to them to close the blinds.

"What the- Kyle, nobody's going to look through the window!"

"There could be drones!"

"I don't think any drones are gonna fly past-"

"No, but on the off chance they do they'll definitely stick around when they see two people fucking in here."

Eric shakes his head, chuckling faintly in disbelief. He rakes his gaze over Kyle.

"I can't believe this is happening..."

Honestly, neither can Kyle but he charges over to Eric, climbing onto his lap and causing him to huff and reach out for his desk when his chair suddenly leans back. He smashes their lips together, and Kyle cups Eric's face and drags his hands through his hair. It's one of his favourite places to touch. He loves breaking up the product at the roots and making it messy and dishevelled, and has done so since the very first time they made out, during what was probably a late night at the office. Eric's hands, meanwhile, roam his back and cup his ass and squeeze. Over the soft smack of their lips connecting and separating, and their terse hot breaths, Kyle can hear a new, discomfiting crackle, and something hard pressing up against him that he knows is not Eric's boner. He pulls back, and Eric watches with flushed lips and dark eyes as Kyle loosens his tie and unclips the tiny microphone pinned to his shirt, and also removes the bulkier pack attached to his belt, discarding it on the floor.

Before Eric can respond, Kyle does the same for him, removing his tie and mic pack with shaking fingers. A wicked smile flickers on Eric's face, and he reaches up to pepper distracting kisses on Kyle's lips, jaw, and chin, as he works.

"Don't you wanna give them something good to listen to?" he whispers, closing his lips over his chin.

Kyle doesn't dignify that question with an answer, just throws the mic pack on the floor and slips a hand into Eric's shirt, pinching and twisting his nipple. Eric yelps, and retaliates by biting down hard on Kyle's bottom lip. Kyle tilts his head to reconnect their lips again, and they make out furiously and ignore Eric's ringing phone. Eric only pulls back to unbuckle Kyle's belt and shove his hand into his pants. Kyle moans as Eric's hand slips into his underwear and strokes his cock, clinging to his shoulders as he jerks him off. His head collapses onto Eric's shoulder, and he buries his face in his neck, kissing and lapping at him there. Eric removes his hand and spits on his fingers, before delving back into Kyle's underwear and shoving two relatively dry fingers in his hole.

Kyle cries out as his fingers push past the tight ring of muscle, face burning at his outburst. Eric just snickers, and Kyle buries his face deeper into his shoulder, as if he wants to burrow himself away from the embarrassment, whimpering. His other arm is wrapped around Eric's neck, and his fingers are boring into his back.

"Keep it down..." Eric teases. Their years of experience together mean he knows exactly the right tempo and pressure to apply when prepping Kyle. The embarrassment and tension begrudgingly melts away when Eric finger fucks him slow and deep in a way that Kyle can't help but keen to. "You don't want Heidi to hear how much you're loving this, how much you love riding my fingers..."

Kyle moans, choked-off and hot against Eric's neck. He wants to protest, but instead nuzzles Eric's shoulder and mouths at his shirt, leaving a wet imprint of his lips. He bites him through the material, and rakes his fingers over his chest.

"Fuck you..." he growls.

Eric chuckles.

"Oh, we definitely have to do something about that mouth of yours..."

The phone starts ringing again and they both grumble, frustrated and over-heated.

"Don't answer it..."

"You think I'm a fucking idiot?" Eric asks, gruff, as he takes off Kyle's tie, rolls it up into a ball, and shoves it in his mouth.

Kyle gags a little in surprise, and only makes muffled whimpers and huffs as Eric pushes him off his lap, tugs his pants down and bends him over the desk. He grumbles when his head hits the desk particularly hard, blinking some tiny stars out of his vision. He feels Eric's hands on him, firm as they run down his back, over his hips, and ass and Kyle moans a little when his hard cock rubs against the wooden desk, pressed against his belly. Eric groans in approval.

"You look so good like this, Kyle... fucking unbelievable..."

Kyle's heart is pounding when he hears Eric pull his zipper down, like he can't get his cock out fast enough. Suddenly, they're interrupted by a loud, impatient knock at the door.

"Eric? Eric, what the hell?" Craig snaps on the other side of the door. "Heidi's been trying to call you! Why is your door locked?"

Kyle is waiting for Eric to tell them that he's busy, that he'll catch up with them later but instead he sighs, and calmly zips up his pants.

"I have to get this..."

Alarmed and furious, Kyle shakes his head.

_"No, you don't!"_ he yells through the gag.

"What was that?" Eric asks, pulling the tie from his mouth.

Kyle splutters a little, resting on his elbows and scowling at him.

"I said, no you don't!"

Kyle hates the position he's in, half-naked, bent over the desk with Eric leaning down just to get to his submissive, compromised level.

"No, it sounds important. So you'd better get dressed."

He kisses Kyle's cheek and Kyle is quivering and flustered as he stands up and fixes his clothes as fast as he can.

"I don't see what could be so important..." he mutters as he tucks his shirt back into his pants.

Eric just grins, as he fixes his own clothes. When he answers the door, Kyle is sorting out his damp tie.

"Come on in, gentlemen," Eric greets a very confused, and pissed-off Craig and Clyde. "Apologies for the delay."

"Yeah, what the fuck, man?" Clyde storms in, throwing his hands up in the air and refusing to use any professional language. "You ask us to come here and then ignore us? What the hell is that all about?"

Kyle whips his head around to glare at Eric. He knew they were going to get interrupted!

Eric grins, and keep his eyes on Kyle when he says, "again, I'm so sorry."

Clyde has slumped into one of Eric's chairs. His elbow is resting on the arm of the chair, thumb propping up his chin and his fingers are pressed to his forehead. He's actually rubbing his brow, and his lower lip is wobbling slightly, Kyle regards it all with a mixture of concern and embarrassment.

Craig sighs, joining Clyde in the chair next to him.

"It's just that we've been ignored enough this week and-" he frowns, stare shifting between Eric and Kyle. "Wait, were you guys-"

"No, we weren't!" Kyle snaps.

"Then why are your mic packs off?"

"That's not important!"

"So I guess you guys haven't made any progress with Lorde?" Eric asks, swiftly changing lanes and folding his arms.

Craig and Clyde look at each other, squirmy with disappointment.

"No, it's been impossible," Craig replies. "We've tried all the channels available to us but we think it might be a dead-end."

Eric throws his hands up.

"But the game is in three weeks!"

"So where does this leave us?" Kyle asks. "Don't you guys have any back-ups?"

Clyde looks down at his shoes.

"We have the details of previous performers, so that could be plan B but-"

"No, no we don't repeat ourselves," Eric cuts him off. "That's lame. Lorde is huge right now, and if we can get her to perform at the halftime show it'll draw in millions. We'll have companies up our ass just begging to advertise during our games."

"So it's Lorde or bust?" Kyle asks, refusing to believe that this is true. "Surely any performer is better than no performer at all?"

"We'll get Lorde," Eric replies, with his eyes firmly on him. "Craig, Clyde, keep at this, okay? I need to talk to Kyle in private."

This time, when Eric looks at him it's with no conviction or belligerence, and instead with an uneasy look that makes Kyle dread whatever he's about to suggest. Eric's teeth graze his lip, and he doesn't say anything to Craig and Clyde as they leave. Kyle takes a deep breath when they're alone. He knows what's coming.

"Eric, don't even say it-"

"We don't have a choice, Kyle!" Eric protests, approaching him. "Reaching out to Stan is the only option-"

"There are plenty of other options!"

"But I want Lorde!" Eric whines, and even though he didn't actually stomp his foot and pout, Kyle knows that's exactly what he was doing on the inside.

Kyle folds his arms again, in an attempt to stand firm and to also protect himself from the anxiety rising inside him.

"Well, if you want her... " Kyle rolls his eyes, not knowing what the right pronouns would be and he can't even think straight right now. "Him... so badly then why don't you reach out to Stan yourself?"

Eric huffs derisively.

"Yeah, right. If he isn't gonna talk to you, then why would he talk to me?"

"See!" Kyle cries, pointing an accusing finger at him. "Even you know how futile this would be! And I can't..." he stops to collect a shuddering breath, there's a needling panic in his chest. "I can't handle the thought of talking to him again. I don't know if I can do it, and you said I wouldn't have to!"

Eric's eyes flash with alarm and he hurries over to him, holding his shoulders and looking into his eyes.

"I know!" he sighs, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead to Kyle's. He nuzzles him. "I know... that's why I let Craig and Clyde handle it." He opens his eyes. "That's what they're paid to do. But this is clearly too much for them. We have an amazing in here, and it would be so dumb to not use it."

Kyle chuckles ruefully and rolls his eyes.

"A friendship that died fourteen years ago is an 'amazing in?'"

Eric snickers too, soft and to himself. He gives Kyle's shoulders a coaxing squeeze.

"It's the only shot we have. Please, Kyle..."

They stare at each other with weary eyes, helpless. Kyle knows that with how popular Lorde is right now, how excited people are for her comeback, she would be a huge artist to snag. Plus, it will make Eric happy, and Craig and Clyde too. The worst Stan can say is no, but at least Kyle has tried. He fears the discomfort, the lingering disappointment Stan has that awakens all of Kyle's insecurities, but it's been so long that it may have faded into sheer indifference by now. Depressing as it sounds, Kyle hopes that's the case.

His shoulders rise and fall in Eric's hands and he nods. Eric smiles, small, like he knows it's not the sweetest victory. He places a gentle kiss on his lips.

"Thank you..." he whispers.

_"No, no, Eric and I have never and will never have sex in the office," Kyle says in an interview later that day. The crew want to know why Kyle and Eric removed their mic packs in his office, and they want to talk about the conversation they had in the lobby. "We don't need to, because we have something those people don't have which is a home, and a bed..."_

_Eric snorts._

_"And a shower..."_

_Kyle glares at him, and Eric avoids his gaze sheepishly._

* * *

Kyle is putting off something he never thought he would have to do, with something he also thought he would never do and that is scrolling through an old friend's Instagram. Honestly, Kyle never thought he'd have Instagram but Stan isn't on Facebook so he figures this is the best way to contact him. Getting distracted by his photos is easily done and a good excuse to not have to message him, the thought of which makes his stomach ache and his mouth dry. He smiles as he scrolls through photos of Californian beaches, a tanned Stan smiling with his t-shirt wearing co-workers, and crouching down beside poorly dolphins, looking at them with all the concern in the world, and hanging out with his trusty chocolate lab. Kyle is beyond glad that Stan is happy, that he seems to be living a fulfilling life. He just hates that he's not a part of it. He hates that he doesn't get to text Stan every day, that Stan doesn't swing by his house for a visit when he returns home, or that he and Eric have never vacationed in California and spent the weekend with him. Of course Kyle hears fragments of what's going on in Stan's life via Kenny, who is in the enviable position of being in touch with all of them. Kyle always thought that Stan was missing out, being so far away from the rest of the gang, but judging by his social media he's content with his lot.

_"Stan was my best friend growing up. I've known him just as long as I've known Eric, and for a while we were inseparable," Kyle explains in an interview. "We kinda drifted apart when I joined the company and by high school-" Kyle laughs. "Well, when Stan was in high school - we just stopped speaking all together. He never approved of the business, not that he ever told me that. I could just kinda tell. He was really good at the silent treatment. Surprisingly good at it... I know it's normal for people to grow apart. I don't think many people are still in contact with their elementary school best friends, but when you go through the things that Stan and I did..." Kyle purses his lips and sighs through his nose. "It kinda sucks to lose that bond."_

Kyle is concerned that his presence in Stan's life is entirely unwanted. That it would perhaps put a dampener on an otherwise good day for him, or create unnecessary friction. But he has to give it a shot. He wants to make Eric happy, and he wants to do what's right for the business, and those have been his two key motivators for years. He takes a deep breath, jaw pulled tight and stabs at the screen with his thumbs as he plucks up the courage to message him. He tries not to think too hard about what he's saying as he types.

" _Hey, dude! How's it going? It would be great to catch up."_

He's smiling by the time he's sent it. He's also been holding his breath, and he releases it in a shuddering exhale. The sound of his pounding heart fills his office as he waits for Stan's reply. He tries to busy himself with emails, but jolts thirty minutes later when he receives a notification. Stan has replied. He can't open it fast enough.

_"It's great to speak to you again too. How are you and Cartman?"_

Kyle ignores what he perceives to be a lack of enthusiasm, grateful that Stan has even replied at all.

" _We're great thanks. The business is doing well."_

He thinks mentioning the business may have been a mistake. He chews his lip.

" _Yeah it's huge."_

Okay, not as brutal as Kyle was expecting. But Stan's silence was always more devastating than his words.

" _How is work with you?"_ Kyle asks.

_"Yeah great. All this plastic in the ocean keeps me busy lol"_

Kyle chuckles, relieved that Stan is making jokes.

_"That's good I guess?"_

_"Yeah"_

Kyle chews his lip again and rubs his thumbs together, hovering over the keyboard. Now would be the perfect time to ask, but Kyle is still terrified.

_"Would I be a dick if I asked you a favour?"_

_"Idk depends what it is?"_

_"We really want Lorde to play at the half-time show for the final game of the season but your dad is impossible to get a hold of. Would you be able to talk to him? Ask him to get in touch with Craig and Clyde to arrange something?"_

It may only be seconds later that Stan replies, but with Kyle's risky request floating between them those few seconds drag tortuously.

_"Clyde and Craig still work for you?"_

Kyle frowns, definitely not the response he was anticipating.

_"Yes why is that important?"_

_"It's not. Just thought they would've moved on."_

Kyle's shoulders are drawing up, his insecurities rumbling like a storm in the back of his head.

_"No they're still here"_

_"Why are you getting defensive?"_

Kyle huffs, teeth gritted and cheeks burning.

_"I'm not why are you still so judgemental?"_

_"I just thought Craig and Clyde would've snapped out if by now."_

Before Kyle can reply something haughty and probably defensive in Stan's opinion, he sends another message that needles at his heart.

_"I thought you would've snapped out of it by now."_

Kyle gulps, choking on the lump in his throat before it hits him then how Stan has never had the right to question his life choices. He never even gave Kyle the opportunity to explain himself. He was just a stubborn, pompous brick wall that Kyle could never get around.

" _Well I'm the CFO I can't just snap out of it."_

_"That was your choice."_

_"I didn't get in touch to be lectured by you I just thought I'd ask a favour of an old friend. But forget about it if you don't want your dad to be associated with us."_

_"I don't give a shit what my dad does. He can perform wherever he wants."_

Kyle blinks, surprised by the breakthrough though it doesn't exactly make him feel triumphant.

" _So you'll ask him then?"_

_"Yes fine I will."_

_"Thank you. It means a lot."_

It really does, and it keeps that naïve part of Kyle hopeful that their friendship isn't unsalvageable.

_"No problem. Anything else?"_

Kyle would understand if Stan wanted to leave the conversation at that. Honestly, Kyle kind of wants that too because the conversation quickly stopped being pleasant. But Stan is here, and he's offered, so he decides to ask the burning question.

_"You really thought I would snap out of it?"_

_"Yeah I did. I was kinda used to us being on the same page."_

Kyle frowns, pursing his lips, sighing through his nose again. He considers that maybe their perceptions of each other are idealised ones, stuck in the past. It's never occurred to Kyle that he could ever be disappointed by who Stan has become, but that feeling does not go both ways.

_"I think if we could just talk about it a little more you would see it's not as bad as you think."_

_"I don't need to be convinced Kyle. We're both happy with the lives we've chosen. It was nice speaking to you."_

" _Yeah you too,"_ Kyle replies, although he feels thoroughly deflated. " _Thanks again."_

* * *

Their first week of filming ends on a successful note, with Craig and Clyde finally booking Lorde to play at their March Madness game. Among the fist bumps, and celebratory hugs, and sighs of relief Kyle was able to slip away to send Stan a quick 'thank you' message. It's been two days, and he hasn't replied. Kyle tries to tell himself he's unsurprised, but it's harder to tell himself that he's not disappointed. Still, Friday night karaoke is sure to cheer him up. It's been a tradition for senior management since the company was founded, and they go to the same karaoke bar in what is now the thriving, trendy CtPaTown where Eric took Kyle when he was courting him to join his new business venture. The excited chatter as they walk to the bar is heightened tonight, with the camera crew trailing after them. Stealing conversations with Eric, huddling together from the cold, it's getting easier to pretend the crew are not there, that their words aren't getting picked up on a mic pack.

Kenny is stood outside the bar waiting as they arrive, smoking a cigarette and scrolling through his phone. He catches them in the corner of his eye, putting his cigarette out and grinning

"You made it!" he exclaims, arms thrown wide as if to envelop them all in a hug.

"When have we ever not made it?" Kyle quips, but it comes out a little defensive. That may actually be funnier to Kenny though. He smiles, and pretends to be exasperated.

"That was an exclamation of joy, Kyle, not an attack. But, you know, nice to see you," he replies, before wrapping his arms around Kyle and pulling him in for a hug.

"Good to see you too, man," he murmurs, giving Kenny a parting pat on the back.

He smiles, tucking some of his shaggy, blond hair behind his ear before giving Eric and Karen hugs too. But when he's face to face with Craig, he sucks in a smile and instead lifts his chin and narrows his eyes at him. Craig mirrors him exactly, but there is no trace of a smile on his face.

"Craig."

"Kenny. How are you?"

"Enough with the pleasantries, Tucker. It's your turn to pick the artist tonight so tell me who you've chosen."

"Oasis."

Kenny laughs as evilly as he possibly can.

"Oh, Craig, you sweet, simple boy." He leans forward with a gloating smile, and pats Craig's cheek. Crag scowls and bats his hand away. "I'm gonna wipe the floor with you. My Liam Gallagher impression is killer."

Kyle rolls his eyes and slips inside the bar with Eric, with a scowling Craig following close behind with Clyde. They leave Bebe to introduce Kenny to the camera crew, and to set him up with his mic pack.

_"Karaoke is a Friday night tradition that has spawned a lot of rivalries..." Eric explains when the camera crew come inside. "Well, two. Craig versus Kenny, but more importantly, me versus Kyle. Craig and Kenny are more evenly matched I guess because Kyle hasn't always been into performing and I can out-sing everybody here, but ours is way more fun. Especially since Kyle has stopped falling back on the same_ Rush _song every week. He's really blossoming. He's no me, but still..." He looks into the camera, and gives an arrogant shrug._

_"Eric said that?" Kyle scoffs. He's interviewed later on, out in the corridor so they can hear him better. "Yeah, it's true I was never into karaoke before but we've been doing this for years and I've really got into it. Eric may think nobody can beat him, but every week I get just a little closer to kicking his ass."_

Karaoke Friday is the perfect place to call a truce. All the animosity of the disastrous PDA meeting is lifted when Bebe gets up to sing _Your Love is my Drug_ , pointing at Butters, gyrating, and swishing her hair. Heidi follows with an endearing performance of _Heart of Glass_. Not everyone is proficient at karaoke, and she bops up and down in one place as she tries to read the lyrics at the same time. Clyde is next with a seemingly unironic but nonetheless spirited performance of _Pretty Fly for A White Guy_ , with Heidi, Bebe, Karen, and Kenny joining in on the _'give it to me, baby!'_ parts from their seats.

Then it's the turn of, undoubtedly, one of the highlights of the evening. Everyone gets applauded as they take to the stage, but with his reed-thin frame, grimy good looks, and tattoos, there is just a tinge of rockstar hysteria to the applause that follows Kenny as he takes to the stage.

"Alright, prepare to have your mindhole blown, Tucker!" Kenny speaks into the mic, pointing at Craig.

"Craig's what?" Butters asks, but no one pays any attention to him as the music starts.

Kenny glares at Craig during the quiet, understated intro of _Cigarettes and Alcohol_ , but as it swells into something angrier, Kenny taps his foot and nods his head. His golden hair falls in front of his face, and he blows it away from his mouth.

" _Is it myyyyy imagi-nay-shee-yun or have I finally found something worth working for?"_

The room erupts with cheers and laughter at his uncanny Liam Gallagher impression. It sounds like he's eaten an electric guitar and has some bits stuck in his teeth as he drags out the syllables on certain words.

" _I was loooking for some ac-sheee-yun but all I found was cigarettes and alcohol!"_

Kenny has worked the crowd up into a frenzy by the time he's finished, and he keeps his eyes on Craig as he drops the mic to the floor. The cheers for Craig as he takes to the stage are enthusiastic, but not like Kenny's. Unsurprisingly, Clyde is his most ardent supporter. Craig doesn't seem to care. He picks the mic up, and taps his feet to the intro of his chosen song like he just wants to get it over with. Despite all this, he delivers an affecting rendition of _Champagne Supernova_. He doesn't attempt a Liam Gallagher impression, but his natural, nasally singing voice is convincing enough to have everyone waving their phones in the air, and for Kenny to wave his lighter too. What he lacks in charisma, he makes up for in conviction.

It's Eric's turn, and he can't get out of his seat fast enough. Kyle has to act fast so he doesn't knock their drinks over. He's a little breathless as he takes to the stage, and he fixes a few wayward strands of his otherwise neat hair.

"I'd like to dedicate this song to my boyfriend, Kyle."

Kyle blinks, smiling helplessly and shoulders pulling up as everyone's eyes are drawn to him.

"Butters, Bebe, take note, _this_ is how you do public displays of affection..." Eric says, before the famous intro to _I Believe in A Thing Called Love_ starts. Kyle rolls his eyes to the ceiling, but has to bite his lip to contain his delighted laughter. " _Can't explain all the feelings that you're making me feel! My heart's in overdrive and you're behind the steering wheel!"_

As always, Eric really throws himself into it. He is the self-proclaimed karaoke champion, but this is not unfounded. He jumps, and head-bangs, and twirls around the stage like a tornado, until he's so exhausted and delirious he's ambling around the tiny stage and almost falling into tables. Kyle seems to be the spot he's focusing on to avoid getting too dizzy. When their eyes meet, he grins, and winks before continuing with his belting. He almost nails the falsetto, but his shortcomings can be forgiven for his effort, as he's panting and sweaty by the time the song is over. He doesn't acknowledge the cheers and whistles as he stumbles back over to their table, flopping down beside Kyle, slumping in the benched seat. Kyle just stares at him, like he's the aloof subject of some extravagant mating ritual.

"After that please don't tell me you're gonna sing _Tom Sawyer?"_ Eric asks, part-joking and part-pleading.

Kyle chuckles and presses a kiss to Eric's salty, barely responsive lips.

"You'll see." He smiles when they part. "I think you'll find it rather fitting."

Kyle strides over to the stage, more confident than he's ever been. He thinks it's partly due to Eric's romantic gesture, and partly because he's competitive and there is no room for inhibition when you're trying to best someone. He looks straight into Eric's eyes as he sings.

" _What's with these homies dissin' my girl? Why do they gotta front?"_

Eric's eyes flash, mesmerised, and he sits up. Kyle grins back at him.

The performances dip in quality as the night goes on and the drinks are flowing, but are also better in a lot of ways. There are some repeat performances, a couple more Oasis songs from Kenny and Craig, with Kenny's Liam Gallagher impression getting progressively worse.

_"Isssthat everyone?"_ Bebe slurs, checking her smudged make-up in her phone.

"Hell no!" Eric roars. " _Boom Boom Pow_!"

Soon, everyone is chanting the words _'Boom Boom Pow'_ and pounding their fists on the table, even Kyle who usually isn't comfortable with peer pressure. Butters doesn't look pressured though, he looks flattered and bashful.

_"Don't get me wrong, I love making my friends happy!" Butters reveals in an earlier interview. "It's just... I've sang this song a million times. I'm kinda over it now, but everyone expects me to end the night with it! I can't let them down." His eyes widen, face freezing with terror as he seems to have a horrible realisation. "They all probably think it's my favourite song. They'll probably play it at my funeral. Jeez, do you think I could put that in my will? my funeral plan? Just to be safe I'm gonna say it now." He clears his throat and looks directly into the camera. "Bebe, mom, dad, fellas, I don't want Boom Boom Pow by the Black Eyed Peas to be played at my funeral. I don't know what I want instead but definitely not that. Please. Also, Bebe, I love you." Butters recoils, mouth agape and eyes twinkling like he's surprised the words came out of his mouth. He stumbles, hand to his mouth. He removes it to reveal a massive grin. "That's the first time I've said that!"_

Butters gives into the peer pressure, and in the dim room, lit only by fuchsia, a pretty wasted Kyle snuggles into Eric's side, eyes drifting shut to a song he's heard a million times.

" _I'm so three thousand and eight,"_ Butters raps. _"You're so two thousand and late..."_

Eric buries a long kiss in Kyle's hair.

"Love you..." he murmurs.

Kyle shifts slightly to look up into Eric's glassy, but still adoring, eyes. He beams.

"I love you too..."

" _I got that boom, boom, boom, that future boom, boom, boom. Let me get it now..."_


	2. it's been a long, hard, twenty year summer vacation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a lyric from 'Crack Baby' by Mitski. I hope you enjoy, and thank you for reading! I'd love to know your thoughts!

**One year later**

It's a special morning at CBAA, but Kyle feels like the only person who is impervious to the buzz setting all his colleagues alight. The documentary started streaming on Netflix from midnight, and all work this morning has been set aside for everyone to watch it. Everyone is piled into the conference room, chatting amongst themselves and sipping champagne while Scott sets the TV up. Kyle is glad people are too wrapped up in their excitement to notice his dread. Ever since the crew left he's become disillusioned with the company, gritting his teeth through every day and going through the motions when he's sure that's not how he should be feeling about his own company. Although it hurts him more than anything to admit it, that's how he feels he is behaving in his relationship too. He still loves Eric, but his resentment of the company, what he's done or hasn't done with this life inevitably bleeds into a resentment of Eric, and that terrifies Kyle. He feels like he's clinging to him, burying his fingers into the life they've made together and resisting the powerful storm swirling around them, threatening to suck Kyle into the ether and break him free of all this.

"Okay, anybody need a refill?" Bebe shouts, dangerously waving the bottle of champagne around.

"Over here!" Eric replies, lifting his glass.

Bebe smiles, weaving her way through the small crowd to top up Eric's glass. He grins, seemingly unperturbed by the stiff, silent Kyle next to him.

"Hey, you alright?" he asks, giving him a nudge. "You haven't touched your champagne."

Kyle blinks, distracted - he's been feeling like that a lot lately - and glances at his untouched champagne. He has no intention of drinking it. His stomach is churning too much to hold anything down.

"I don't like drinking during the day."

"But it's a special occasion! You've gotta have a little sip."

Kyle shakes his head, eyes closed.

"Maybe once the show is over. I'm too nervous."

Eric sighs.

"Me too."

Kyle's eyebrows twitch and he pulls back slightly to see if Eric is being serious.

"You are?"

"Yeah, like, it's so exciting!" He grins. "I don't think I can handle it!"

Kyle's body sags with disappointment, but he tries to hide it with a small smile.

"Right..."

"Okay, Scott, let's start!" Bebe hollers.

The chatter dies down when Scott hits play, but there is a low, excited hum in the room as the documentary starts. It opens with a celebratory montage of news reports, and magazine and news articles talking about the phenomena of CBAA; clips of the numerous celebrities who have performed at games and had their pictures taken courtside; and also footage of the various video games and brand deals that have been made over the years. Kyle catches a few proud, disbelieving smiles being exchanged by his colleagues, and soon feels fingers weaving between his own. He smiles at a beaming Eric, and squeezes his hand. He really is in awe of how much they have achieved together.

The praise then makes way for something more critical and damning; debates on sports channels about how unethical the game is, and photos of solemn, and indignant families of former players who are living in poverty, urging people not to support the Association. Kyle gulps, riding out that familiar, gnawing guilt in his chest whenever he thinks about the moral and ethical ramifications of what he does. He's braced himself for criticism, of course. Objections to the game are nothing new, and he would be an idiot to think these objections wouldn't be raised in the documentary. But this may be more brutal than he thought. Probably a lot more than Eric thought. Kyle can feel his hand grow limp in his own, so he gives him another small, supportive squeeze.

They then cut to a handsome, sharply dressed recruitment officer getting into his car, with a title card explaining that he is visiting an expectant mother to potentially sign up her baby.

_"So what are we doing today?"_

Kyle recognises the voice to be Josh.

_"Well, we've heard through our contacts at the hospital that an expectant mother is not doing so well with her rehabilitation," the recruitment officer explains as he drives, taking his eyes off the road only a couple of times to address Josh. "She's been skipping out on her appointments, and we have reason to believe she's still using crack."_

_"Is the hospital allowed to give you this information?"_

_"We have an understanding with the hospitals, you know? I mean now Crack Baby Basketball is so huge there is just as much of an incentive for them to have a team as there is for us."_

_"So you do this a lot then?"_

_"Yeah, I take trips like this a couple times a week."_

_"How would you describe your job?"_

_The recruitment officer grins at Josh, like he just told the setup to a joke and he can't wait to be the one that delivers the punchline_

_"A talent scout." He laughs, and Josh laughs good-naturedly._

"A little insensitive..." Heidi comments, looking over her shoulder at Eric.

Eric shrugs it off, but there's a dent in his brow and he's frowning.

"That's just R.Os for you."

They arrive at the small house, with an overgrown, weedy frontyard, and Kyle's heart aches for the woman who answers the door. She seems bewildered and disoriented, and he winces as she cowers behind the door, and her wide eyes dart between the two strange men, and the camera crew in front of her.

_"Tracy O'Connor?" the recruitment officer asks._

_"Yes?"_

_"My name is Brian Gardiner, I'm a recruitment officer with the Crack Baby Athletic Association. Have you ever heard of us?"_

_Her head bows a little, and she chews at her lip before nodding, still not looking at Brian._

_"Well, we've heard through St Mary's that you have been skipping out on your rehab, and we would like to have a discussion with you about a possible deal for your child to play for the CBAA. Would it be alright if we came in?"_

_"I..." she gulps, before nodding unconvincingly. "I-I-I guess. Why not?"_

_"Great!" Brian replies, stepping inside._

Everyone is silent in the conference room as they watch the deal unfold on the screen. Ultimately, Brian gets what he wants and Tracy's unborn child is signed up to play for St Mary's. Brian reiterates how much of a great opportunity this is, but it seems to Kyle that Tracy eventually stops listening and signs the contract so these strange people can leave her home.

_"So a successful meeting then?" Josh asks once they're back in the car._

_"Oh, definitely." Brian grins. "Big commission for me."_

_"Tracy seemed concerned about the lack of monetary compensation, do you agree that players should not be paid?"_

_Brian sighs, fingers flexing around the steering wheel._

_"I know it's unorthodox but it really is for the best. I mean, do you really think that money would be put to good use? Or would it be funding somebody with a drug problem?"_

_"But by signing her child she has no incentive to give up smoking crack during her pregnancy and that could do more harm to the baby, right?"_

_Brian shakes his head and avoids looking at Josh._

_"With our support, that baby is going to get a way better start than if we left that mom to her own devices. Sure, they don't get monetary compensation but they get the proper attention and care that their parents could never give."_

This then leads to a title card of CBAA's impressive, uncomfortable business stats. It details their incredible growth over the years, how they are now trading on the New York Stock Exchange, and also the transformation of their humble headquarters. Following the interview with Brian, scenes of their office land just a little flat.

"How are you guys not freaking out about this?!" Eric exclaims, obviously sensing the heavy disappointment in the room. "That's our office! In a movie!"

Eric rolls his eyes at Kyle, like he doesn't get their lack of enthusiasm either. It's getting harder and harder for Kyle to placate him with small smiles.

Kyle feels dazed seeing himself and Eric on the screen, and the interview they did on the first day of filming. Eric squeezes Kyle's hand and grins at him. When Kyle is asked about how he joined the company, and how he never took up volunteering at the hospital, he winces at the bewildered, guilty look on his face. He thought he had hid it well, but the camera picked up everything.

Another forty minutes go by in silence, everyone masochistically fascinated by what is unfolding in the documentary. It finally ends with an interview with one of the moms of the first CBAA players. Jamie is fifteen, and his mom, Cindy, has had three more kids since then. She is now sober and a single parent, living in a tiny apartment and relying on food banks to feed her children. She is no better off than she was before, and neither is Jamie. He's babysitting his younger siblings while his mom lines up outside a food bank, and is interviewed. She has become an ardent detractor of the CBAA, and runs a support group for other families who have had their kids play.

" _All that support they talk about when they sign your kid up it all stops once they've finished playing. There's no support system, no compensation at all. I just think they use it as an excuse to not pay them, to justify exploiting little babies. We were promised access to education, to good housing, we got none of it. They use you and throw you away when they don't want you no more. They don't care."_

_"Would a salary for these players make a difference?"_

_Cindy shrugs, still frowning._

_"It'd make it a little less horrible. With the amount of money Jamie could have made we wouldn't be here now, I could afford to feed my kids, we'd be in a big, warm house, and he'd be a in a good school. All my kids would."_

_"Is there anything you'd like to say to the CBAA?"_

_Cindy purses her lips, as if trying to decide whether she has something to say or if this is the right place to it. Finally, she takes a shuddering breath and stares into the camera with angry, shimmering eyes. The chance to finally speak up is overwhelming._

Kyle tenses immediately when her eyes bore into him,

" _Shame on you. You bend over backwards to justify what you're doing, but you can't. You take advantage of vulnerable people, of innocents. Shame on you."_

No one speaks as the credits roll. Scott quickly has the sense to turn the TV off. Kyle's ears are ringing like a bomb has gone off, and as they all reel everyone seems to be moving in slow motion. Kyle feels like he's either gonna throw up or have a panic attack, he can't seem to catch his breath. His hand is limp in Eric's, the both of them sweaty. He's adrift when Eric lets him go wordlessly, but like he's in a nightmare Kyle can't speak to ask him to come back. All he can do is stare helplessly at a shaken, furious Eric. He's running his hands over his face like it's a tick he has, gripping and messing up his hair although that's usually Kyle's job.

Heidi and Karen are murmuring to each other, and Craig shares a sympathetic, wary look with Kyle while Clyde buries his face in his shoulder. Butters too, is looking at Eric and Kyle for some kind of guidance while Bebe wraps her arms around his middle and stares off into the distance, trying to keep it together.

"I can't believe they did that..." Heidi says.

"What happens now?" Butters asks.

"Fucking snakes in the grass!" Eric yells, kicking a chair over. It crashes hard against the wall and makes everyone jump. He's seething, his back to the room and his hand resting on the wall.

Kyle looks at his colleagues with a startled apology and approaches Eric, resting his hand on his back. It rises and falls beneath his palm.

"Babe..." he whispers.

"Fucking... OG meeting!" Eric announces, turning around. "In an hour! Bebe too."

"Cartman, what the fuck do we do until then?" Craig asks, glaring at him like he's not fully grasping the situation.

"Work! Just do your jobs! But don't respond to anyone on social media, just don't fucking talk about this to anyone!"

They already made a pact not to look at social media until they had seen the documentary. Little did they know what they were in store for.

"Well? Go!"

Everyone rushes to leave, and the OGs and Bebe keep their eyes on Eric and Kyle warily as they leave the room. Eric turns away from Kyle, and Kyle notices him burying his head in his hands once more.

Kyle frowns.

"I'm so sorry..."

Eric chuckles ruefully, lifting his head.

"Why? It's..." he sighs, shaking his head. "It's not your fault."

Kyle purses his lips before stepping closer. His fingers brush against Eric's back.

"Come here..."

Eric turns around and pulls Kyle into a back-breaking hug so fast that the pain on his face is just a blur. He huffs, and so does Kyle, almost losing his balance but he wraps his arms around Eric and clasps him tightly. He buries his face in his shoulder and inhales the scent of his cologne, of their fabric softener, and wishes they could stay like this forever. They could brace the storm and see the other side if they hold onto each other like this. But does Kyle really want to see the other side? Can he really go on doing this? He doesn't search for answers to those questions. He searches for the same comfort in Eric that Eric is looking for in him. One thing he knows for sure is if that Eric lets him go this will all fall apart. But Eric backs away. His face is flushed, and his eyes are gleaming. He sniffles, and wipes his nose with the back of his hand. Kyle can feel a wet patch on his shoulder.

"It's going to be alright, isn't it?" Eric asks, voice thick.

Kyle's eyes roam Eric's face, not wanting to lie to him but not wanting to hurt him with the truth. He sighs.

"I... I don't-"

"Kyle," Eric cuts in. His hands are at Kyle's waist and he squeezes him. He looks into his eyes. "Tell me it's going to be alright."

Kyle nods, understanding what Eric wants from him. His smile crinkles and his eyes burn. He reaches up to stroke his cheek.

"It's going to be alright," he whispers.

Eric smiles gratefully. He kisses Kyle's wrist, before taking both of Kyle's hands and kissing his knuckles. They hug again, but it doesn't feel the same. It doesn't feel like a place Kyle can run and hide to. They eventually part, exchanging small, sad smiles as they slip into their respective offices.

Alone, Kyle disobeys Eric's rule immediately and checks social media. '#CancelCBAA' is trending and cluttering Kyle's Twitter feed, and reviews of the documentary are glowing for Josh and his crew, but scathing for its subject. Kyle is both disappointed and relieved that Stan hasn't reached out to him at all.

Soon, there's a knock on his door, and Heidi slips in with an apologetic smile.

"Everyone's waiting for you in the conference room."

Kyle nods, dazed that it's time already. He really fell down a rabbit hole scrolling through Twitter. She waits by the door for him and they walk to the conference room together. She has a notebook and pen in hand.

"How are you holding up?" Kyle asks.

"Fine," Heidi replies a little shyly. "I guess I'm lucky, I haven't got as much of a stake in this as you and Eric have" Her eyes widen. "Not that I'm-"

"No, I get it."

Heidi sighs and frowns.

"I can't imagine what this must be like for you guys."

Kyle gives her a tight, appreciative smile as they enter the conference room.

"Alright, we're all here..." Eric says once Kyle has taken his seat. He's stood up at the front of the room. "Now, uh, this has been a pretty rough morning. This is probably the worst thing that's ever happened to this company. But we've dealt with controversy before, we've dealt with the critics and we've got through it. We're a family and we can rally together. Kyle, you and I are gonna talk to the rest of the troops downstairs in a bit, and we will get through this, guys. I think a lot of changes need to be made, and, to be frank, we need to cut the crust off this shit sandwich. With that being said..." Eric puts his hands together and looks to his right. "Bebe, we appreciate all that you've done for this company but I think it's time you moved on."

Everyone's eyes are drawn to a shell-shocked Bebe. But Kyle soon turns his attention to Eric with a look that says 'what-the-fuck-are-you-doing?'

"What?" Bebe gasps.

Eric's brow furrows and he shrugs.

"You're fired. Obviously."

Bebe stares at him aghast, pushing her chair back.

"Excuse me?!"

"What the hell?" Clyde echoes from further up the table.

Kyle has to do something about this. He stands up.

"Eric!"

"What?"

"We can't just fire Bebe!"

"Why not? Her job is to make this company look good, and we've never looked worse so she has clearly failed!"

"That..." Kyle falters, and glances sheepishly at a furious Bebe. "That may be, but there is such a thing as due process, Eric! We can't just fire people on the spot!"

"Well, maybe there should be an exception to that rule when people fuck up this hard!"

"Why the hell am I even being fired at all when you're the one who signed off on this?" Bebe says, getting out of her seat. "You couldn't fucking wait to get that camera crew in here!"

Eric glares at her, narrowing his eyes.

"You know what, I should've fired you a long time ago when you were all over Butters during filming like the office slut!"

"What the fuck did you-"

Before Kyle - or even Bebe - can say anything, Butters flies out of his chair and charges towards Eric. Fortunately, Craig and Kyle are quick enough to hold him back, He's not deterred though, he tries to break free from their grip and continues swinging at Eric. Kyle and Craig will be lucky not to get punched.

"I'm gonna kick your fucking ass, Eric!" Butters cries, red-faced and snarling.

"I'd like to see you try, you little pussy!" Eric replies, arms outstretched.

Kyle glares at him.

"Eric, that's enough!"

Bebe raises her hands in the air.

"Don't bother firing me because I quit!"

"Fine by me!" Eric yells, even though she's already storming off. "I don't have to pay your incompetent ass any severance that way!"

Kyle watches Bebe leave, and figures it's now or never. He tries not to think about the words too much, or the guilt, and devastation that will follow but he still has to take a couple deep breaths before he announces: "I'm quitting too."

"Wait, what?" Craig asks.

Kyle can feel everyone's eyes on him, frozen with shock. Even Butters calms down and collapses into a random chair. Kyle looks between them all, not knowing how to follow up.

"Yeah, what?"

Eric's voice cuts through. Kyle looks at him, and it's as if his grief has made him transparent. Kyle can see his heart breaking, and the guilt really starts bearing down on him. He has to leave now.

"I'm sorry, I can't..." he chokes on the lump in his throat. "I-I can't do this anymore. I'm quitting."

Eric steps towards him.

"Kyle-"

"I'm sorry," he whispers before he rushes out. Of course, Eric follows him.

"Kyle! Kyle, wait! What do you mean you're quitting?"

He follows Kyle into his office, and Kyle doesn't look at him as he hurriedly grabs his coat and his phone.

"I'm leaving! It's been on my mind for a while, and seeing the documentary it just confirmed it for me. I can't stay here any longer!"

"Kyle, no..." Eric says, as Kyle brushes past him.

Karen is stood up at her desk, obviously overhearing all the commotion.

"Kyle, you're quitting?"

Kyle's heart aches when he sees Karen looking so lost and disappointed. He sighs.

"Yes, I am. Karen, thank you so much. You've been an amazing secretary..." he shakes his head. "Assistant... and I'm so grateful." He smiles. "Can you please cancel my meetings this afternoon?"

Karen nods, rushing to swipe the corners of her eyes.

"Sure..."

"No!" Eric shouts. "No, Karen, do not cancel shit!" He grabs Kyle's arms and turns his body to face him. "Kyle, please think about this some more, okay? Come into my office and we can talk-"

Kyle shrugs out of Eric's grip, with so little resistance that it makes his heart ache all over again. Eric doesn't want to hurt him, but is also too wounded to hold him any tighter.

"Eric, I've made up my mind," Kyle says, looking into Eric's eyes to at least try to get through to him. "This is what I want to do. I _have_ to do this."

"Good for you, Kyle!" Bebe shouts as she marches past Karen's desk and towards the sliding doors.

"Fuck off, Bebe, this has nothing to do with you!" Eric yells over his shoulder.

"Sorry..." Kyle murmurs, brushing past Eric again.

"Kyle... Kyle!"

Kyle rolls his eyes, because of course Eric would follow him again. But he has to squeeze them shut to hold back his tears, ride out the pain stinging from his heart to his nose.

Kyle gets into an elevator with Bebe, keeping his head down. Before the doors can close, a desperate hand appears to hold it open.

"Wait!"

The door automatically opens again to find a panting, wild Eric standing there.

"Eric, what the hell?" Kyle asks, the tips of his ears burning.

"Bebe, get out," Eric says, eyes never leaving Kyle.

Bebe looks between Kyle and Eric, incredulous.

"What?"

"Out!" he cries. "Out, get the fuck out I have to talk to my boyfriend!"

Bebe huffs, figuring this is clearly a battle not worth fighting.

"God damn it..."

Bebe leaves, but not without giving Eric a good shove. He doesn't care, getting in the elevator and closing in on Kyle in a way that saddens but also terrifies him. He's never seen Eric look like this. He huffs when his back hits the wall, and he figures he can't avoid this confrontation.

"What are you doing?" he asks, again trying to get through to him just how irrational he's behaving.

Eric scoffs, eyes wide and indignant.

"What are _you_ doing? You're fucking leaving the company because of this-"

"No, not just because of this!" Kyle cries. "I told you, I've been thinking about this for a while and it was getting harder and harder to show up here every day! I feel terrible about myself, Eric, and I need to get away from this and find a way to make up for it all! If I even can, I..." Kyle takes a shaky breath. His chest is so tight it's getting harder to breathe. "I need to do something good-"

"Why didn't you tell me you were feeling this way?"

"Because this company is our life, Eric! Do you realise how difficult it is to even admit this to you now?"

Eric closes his eyes, sighs through his nose.

"Listen, it's been a crazy, difficult day for all of us," he says when he opens his eyes. "You take the day off, relax, give yourself time to think and-"

Kyle rolls his eyes, frustrated, and tries to turn away from him.

"Eric..."

He's undeterred, taking Kyle's hand and rubbing coaxing circles into his knuckle with his thumb. His voice warbles with a desperate hope.

"I'll deal with everything here, a-a-and when I come home we can talk about this-"

"I'm not going home," Kyle cuts in, more abrupt than he would like.

Eric drops his hand, stumbles backwards.

"What?"

Kyle sighs. He didn't want to tell Eric like this. There is still a part of him that doesn't want to do this, that wants to stay with Eric while he figures this all out. But how can he when Eric is so inextricably wrapped up in all his mistakes? When he was by his side during all these years he wants to make up for? Kyle wants to look at Eric and see the man he loves, who has given him so much happiness and understands him like nobody else does. He doesn't want that image to be tainted by decisions he regrets, and right now, that's all he can see.

"I'm going to stay with my parents for a little while."

Eric's eyes roam Kyle's face, looking for any sign that he's misheard, that Kyle doesn't mean it.

"Wh-what are you saying?"

"Eric, I think we need some time apart." Kyle's voice can't help but break.

A shadow falls over Eric's face. Kyle can tell he wants to cry, but instead his jaw pulls back and he shakes his head.

"No. No, you're not leaving the company and me on the same day! You can't do this to me, Kyle!"

"I have to!" Kyle yells. "I have to clear my head and get away from all this!"

The elevator door opens with a ding, putting a premature end to their fight or maybe saving them both. Kyle glances at the foyer, and Eric turns to look at it too, before staring back at Kyle with pleading eyes. Kyle stares back at him, nothing more to say.

"Don't follow me out," he murmurs.

He tries to leave, but in one last-ditch attempt Eric grabs his arm and tries to tug him back in.

"Please, Kyle, don't go, I love you!" he cries.

Kyle rips his arm out of Eric's grip and it feels like his heart has ripped with it. He leaves the elevator and looks back at Eric, stranded, and distraught. Kyle can't pretend he doesn't feel exactly the same.

"I'm sorry, Eric," he whispers.

Their eyes never leave each other as the doors shut.

* * *

Kyle wanted to get away from the office, from his condo, from Eric to clear his head yet CBAA is all he has thought about for the past twenty four hours. He supposes he's not helping himself, sprawled across his parents' couch watching the surprisingly large amount of news coverage on the company. He doesn't have the energy to do anything else. The enormity of his future, of his next steps is too daunting for him to move. He does feel a little lighter now he's left, and he daren't turn back. But all he can see in front of him is nothing, a dark, colossal drop into nowhere. It occurs to him that he may be a tad depressed.

He thinks maybe he should go for a walk, or a run, or shoot some hoops on his driveway. The basketball hoop above the garage has been rusting since Ike left for college two years ago. Maybe he should go to college, look into some courses, apply for September. Go down the conventional route he has long shunned. But for the CFO of a successful sports franchise he is very much under qualified academically. He doesn't even have a high school diploma, so he would need to rectify that first off. Life seems so alien estranged from CBAA. It didn't hit him yesterday, shielded by shock and his mother's coddling. He grew up before she was ready for him to, so is trying to make up for all the years of homemade comfort food and dependency she's missed out on. But now she's grocery shopping, his dad is at work, and even though this past year grappling with his insecurities and guilt has been isolating, Kyle has never felt so alone. For fourteen years he has had someone to reach for, and for even longer has had somebody who gets exactly what he's going through. He doesn't have that anymore.

He's pulled away from his thoughts by a knock on the door. He sighs, his legs feeling a bit stiff and sleepy as he gets up to answer it. He stumbles, a shiver running down his spine like he's spotted a ghost, when he opens the door. Eric is standing there, nervous and just as exhausted as Kyle feels.

"Hi..." he says.

"Eric, what are you doing here?" Kyle asks, stern. Doesn't he realise he's only making things harder?

"I wanted to drop off some of your stuff..." he scratches the nape of his neck. "Then I realised you packed it all but I still wanted to see you anyway."

"It's only been a day," Kyle mumbles, avoiding his gaze because it would give too much away of how difficult that one day has been.

"Which is the longest we haven't seen each other in sixteen years."

Clearly, it's not lost on Eric. Kyle rubs his lips together, leg jittering with impatience and discomfort.

"Can we just have lunch?" Eric asks, stepping forward. There's a tiny crease in his forehead. "We didn't exactly leave things on a great note yesterday."

Kyle sighs, he can't exactly deny it. He at least owes him a calmer conversation.

"Fine. Let me shower and get changed first."

Eric waits downstairs while Kyle gets changed, and they don't talk in the car on the way to the restaurant. The good thing about living in a small town is that awkward, silent car journeys don't last very long. The restaurant is busy which Kyle is grateful for. Some background noise will make the thick breaks in conversation less uncomfortable. He takes a sip of icy water before he speaks.

"How are things at..." he has to stop himself from saying 'work.' "Wi-with the company?"

Eric sighs, eyes on the table.

"Terrible. We've got journalists hounding people when they enter the building, morale is awful, and our stock has plummeted."

Kyle swallows hard, wincing with pity.

"I didn't think it would..." he looks up at Eric, who's waiting intently for him to finish. "I mean, the backlash online was huge but I didn't think it would draw that much attention."

Eric shakes his head and looks out the window. His lips are drawn into a thin, angry line, like he wants to bare his teeth.

"I bet Josh is fucking loving this." He spits. "Sleazy, backstabbing prick..."

Kyle takes a long sip of his water, hoping it will cool him down. The phone call he had with Josh last night following the news that he was leaving flashes in his memory like a fork of lightning and burns.

"Has he contacted you?" he asks as innocently as possible.

Eric looks at Kyle again, a little calmer.

"No. He has the decency and the sense to stay away from us, because I feel like I could fucking kill him right now."

"Oh..." Kyle whispers. His palm is so sweaty, his glass could very easily slide right out of his fingers.

Eric's brow furrows.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because he, um... " Kyle purses his lips and closes his eyes. He just needs to get it out quick. "He contacted me."

Eric's face doesn't drop, but something flashes across it. Confusion, maybe.

"Really? What did he say?"

Kyle gulps again.

"I guess he saw the statement you guys released saying I had left the company and he, uh, wanted to talk."

"About what?"

Kyle closes his eyes and sighs through his nose to prepare himself. But when he opens his eyes and sees Eric staring at him, he loses his nerve all over again. He really does just have to blurt it out.

"About why I left, and what I'll do next. He wants to interview me."

Eric blinks, and Kyle can see the inner conflict playing out in every twitch of his mouth and his eyebrows. The confusion, the shock, and the hurt.

"You're..." he looks Kyle in the eyes as he finally grasps what's happening. "You're not gonna do it, are you?"

Kyle shifts in his seat, and tries to avoid Eric's eyes. It does nothing to stop the guilt boiling up inside him.

"Maybe..." he murmurs.

Eric drops his head into his hands, and the cutlery on the table clatters. Kyle jolts, and tries to fix his knife and fork. It's a weak distraction from addressing Eric's disappointment.

"God damn it, Kyle!"

"Eric, I'm sorry, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing right now, but I want to make this right and I think this is the way to do it-"

"What, by betraying your friends? Your boyfriend of the last fourteen years? Don't pretend this is some noble fucking redemption, Kyle, when you're willing to stab me in the back to assuage your own guilt!"

Kyle scowls, hands tightening into fists.

"You know, I thought you'd have more fucking faith in me! This is not about betraying you!"

"I did have faith in you, Kyle," Eric mutters, before taking a sip of his water. "Ten minutes ago."

Kyle shakes his head. Eric's narrow-mindedness is definitely one of his least favourite traits.

"You're not the victim here, Eric! Neither am I! It's the families we destroyed, and the kids we took advantage of that are the victims here and maybe when you stop acting like the world is against you, you'll be able to see that!"

Eric's eyes widen, and he almost chokes on his drink he's so affronted.

"I just... I can't..." he sighs. "God, Kyle, you understand why this is so difficult for me, right?" he asks, looking imploringly into Kyle's eyes. "Because the company that we worked so hard to build, that we poured all of our lives into is being raked through the mud, and the only other person who gets it, who I love and trust more than anything, can't stand by me anymore? And has actually wanted to leave for a long time, and I had no fucking clue about it!" he chews his lip, and his eyes are hurt and gleaming when they meet Kyle's. "Do you even love me anymore?"

Kyle feels as though Eric has torn his heart right open with that question, and all his anxiety, and despair, and indignation has seeped into his bloodstream.

"Of course I love you! But this is the problem, Eric! This job has been my life for sixteen years, everything I have has been subsumed into it, even you! And I have so much to be grateful to CBAA for, and the thing I'm most grateful for is you but..." Kyle takes a shaky breath. "It has taken so much from me, and so much more from other people that I can't take the bad with the good anymore... and you're right." Kyle nods, trying to speak as firmly as possible. "I can't stand by you while you still work there, because if I do I'll still feel complicit, and every time I look at you the bad will start to overshadow the good in you, and I don't want that."

"So you're giving me an ultimatum?" Eric asks, as firm as he possibly can. But Kyle can hear the small, desperate waver in his voice.

Kyle can't believe he is in fact giving Eric an ultimatum. He always heard they were bad, that they only end in disaster. But he feels like it's the only way they'll get over this impasse. It's a risk he has no choice but to take.

"Yeah, I guess I am. It's either me or CBAA."

Eric nods, frowning and dejected. He slumps a little in his seat.

"You know, I think I've lost my appetite."

Kyle nods.

"Me too..."

* * *

Much to everyone's dread and disappointment, Kyle did his interview. Butters watched it with the rest of the senior management team, while Eric watched it on his own and didn't talk about it with anyone. It must have been a huge relief for Eric to not hear Kyle say anything bad about him personally, or comment on the status of the relationship. Even Josh could tell it was a sensitive subject, so approached it tentatively and didn't push Kyle on any points. Kyle often makes decisions Butters doesn't agree with, but he had faith in him to do the right thing when it came to protecting Eric's feelings and that he would handle the interview well. He was always good with words. Still, despite Kyle going easy on Eric, it hasn't stopped his worrying decline.

It's been nearly a month since the documentary aired and Kyle left, and Eric is still the shell-shocked wreck who stumbled into the office after following Kyle into the elevator and coming back alone. The stress of running a company now so heavily scrutinised is difficult enough without having to contend with the ending of a serious relationship, and Eric is lucky that he has Butters, Craig, Clyde, and Heidi to keep him afloat. Butters suspects he only goes to his condo on weekends, and even then he probably spends most of that time with Kenny. That big condo is a yawning, empty space when you're all alone. He's a recluse at work too, barely leaving his own office and all communication goes through Heidi. The only time he emerges is on a Friday evening to participate in karaoke.

It's more of a melancholic affair following the documentary, the absence of Bebe and Kyle, and with a depressed boss in tow. Butters doesn't know how Eric summons the strength to drag himself along every Friday night. But he doesn't talk, or make any conversation. He grunts in responses to questions, he drinks, and gets up to sing occasionally. Butters is glad the tradition is being kept alive, even out of pity and concern for what Eric will do if another staple of his life is removed. Plus, singing is a good way to vent feelings and express emotions, and naturally, all of Eric's song choices have followed a particular theme.

The first Friday following Kyle's departure, he sang _Since You Been Gone_ which, to Butters' disappointment, wasn't the Kelly Clarkson song, but the song by Rainbow. Then when the interview aired, Eric head-banged his way through _I Hate Myself for Loving You,_ injecting a lot more anguish than was probably necessary. Now, he's coming to the end of an uncomfortably mournful rendition of Elton John.

" _What have I got to do?"_ Eric sings, eyes closed, and slumped against the mic stand. " _When sorry seems to be the hardest word..."_

Eric doesn't open his eyes until the music comes to a stop and he discards the mic on the floor. He staggers off the stage, head down and ignoring the faint applause.

"That was really good, man..." Clyde offers as he walks past. Eric grunts in response, or dismissal. Butters isn't sure.

Everyone is reluctant to follow Eric now. He creates such a heavy, sad atmosphere that you feel bad puncturing it with something even slightly more upbeat because the man is clearly suffering, and doesn't he deserve to wallow in it for a little bit? It's all he has. Butters watches with a contemplative frown as Eric slips on his coat and stumbles outside.

"He's really torn up, huh?" Kenny asks.

Butters blinks, pulled out of his thoughts. Kenny has a habit of piping up randomly but somehow saying something relevant to whatever you were thinking about, like he can read your mind. Butters sighs and turns in his seat to face him.

"I'll say. He and Kyle were together forever. I've only been with Bebe for a year and I don't know what I'd do if we ever split up."

Kenny nods.

"You should go talk to him."

Butters' eyebrows twitch at Kenny's calm suggestion.

"Wuh-me?"

"Yeah!" Kenny claps his shoulder. "I think he'd appreciate it."

"Bu-buh-but you always talk to Eric."

Butters may be close to Eric and consider him one of his best friends, but he could never imagine Eric confiding in him in the way he does with Kenny. Butters doesn't think his convictions are strong enough, that he would stumble over his own words, and Kenny can get away with saying so much more to Eric than he can.

Kenny shrugs.

"Sure, but I'm not always going to be here."

Butters furrows his eyebrows and squints at Kenny like he's missing something.

"You're here now!"

Kenny rolls his eyes and lets his head loll back.

"But the getting up, and..." he sits up and shifts closer to Butters, meeting his eyes with that warm, Kenny reassurance. "Listen, maybe he needs a new perspective on this. I'm passing the torch."

Butters chews his lip, looking at the table decorated with rings of condensation. Now he's in a serious relationship, he can empathise with what Eric must be going through, and of course he would always want to be there for him.

"I do want him to feel better..."

Kenny claps his shoulder again, giving it a squeeze and looking into his eyes.

"And that's all you need."

Butters nods, rubbing his lips together and feeling more sure of himself. He looks up at Kenny with his back and shoulders straight.

"Alright, I'll go talk to him."

Kenny grins, watching him as he gets out of his chair.

"I believe in you, young padawan."

Butters' brow creases, too focused on what he's going to say to Eric to think any further about Kenny's comment.

"Uh, thanks..."

Butters slips on his own coat and outside sees Eric a couple of feet away, smoking. Butters can't tell if he's shivering with the cold, or shuddering with tears. He tucks his hands into his pockets, lips rubbing together again as he approaches him.

"Hey, buddy. How are you holding up?"

Eric looks up from his cigarette, and in the residual, neon lighting of the other bars and clubs, Butters can see a gleaming, sticky trail of tears on his cheeks. He snorts sardonically.

"Fucking great."

Butters winces, but isn't deterred. Eric has been a lot meaner to him over the years. He joins Eric in leaning against the wall.

"It's been a rough few weeks, huh?"

Eric nods, not looking at Butters. Instead, he reaches in his coat pocket for his packet of cigarettes and offers one to Butters.

"Oh, Eric, I don't do that any-"

Eric cuts him off with a glare.

"oh-uh-okay..."

Butters takes the cigarette from Eric, placing it between his lips. He covers the tip and lets Eric light it for him.

When the company was starting to flourish and they were too young to know better, they all got into the habit of smoking cigars. They already dressed like little Gordon Geckos, so they might as well enjoy a little bit of the lifestyle too. They soon outgrew the braces, chunky gold watches and cigars, but Eric and Kyle maintained the smoking habit. They were the heads of the company after all, chasing that rapid rush of success they experienced in the early years. It was long nights, and meetings with powerful people twice their age, and handling an intimidating amount of money. Eric and Kyle aren't exactly the most mellow people either, so it was natural they needed some stress relief. Kyle quit when they were about 16 and helped Eric to quit too. It's a shame Eric has fallen back into the habit but not a surprise. The one stress relief they didn't give up was each other. They were each other's anchors, and without Kyle Eric is now adrift.

Butters tries to suppress a coughing fit, grimacing with each drag he takes. Eric doesn't notice, just stares at the sidewalk. He seems to be fine with just this, but Butters would feel like he accomplished nothing if he all he did was stand outside with Eric and smoked with him. Eric needs to talk about his problems, not smoke them away or work them out through song lyrics. Butters gulps, thinking he should lead with a question.

"Uh, have you talked to Kyle recently?"

"No. I'm too fucking mad at him."

Butters nods, trying to think of another question.

"About the interview?"

"Of course about the interview!" Eric snaps. "And leaving, and... making me choose! I don't know who he thinks he is, dealing a fucking ultimatum. It's not fair!"

"Well, what was the ultimatum?"

Eric sighs, not looking at Butters.

"It was him or the company..."

Butters frowns. Ultimatums aren't great, but it kind of seems like a no-brainer. Or maybe he just doesn't know Eric as well as he thought, because given the choice he didn't think this is what he would choose.

"And you chose the company?"

"No!" he snaps again, affronted. "No, I haven't chosen the company!"

"So it's Kyle?"

"Yes!" Eric cries, before his brow creases and he shakes his head. "No! Th-this is exactly the fucking point, Butters! He's putting this all on me when I didn't want to leave the company, and I definitely didn't want to leave him! So why do I have to make these decisions?"

Butters nods as he tries to think of an answer, but then it hits him. Kyle doesn't want to make Eric choose, he wants to know where to go.

"Because Kyle is the one who's lost right now. So maybe instead of thinking it as an ultimatum, or a decision to be made, maybe you should think of it as... a direction to take. This whole thing has changed the course of you and Kyle's lives, so you have to decide where you wanna go. Do you wanna take the route you thought you would be taking forever, or the route where you start something new together?"

Eric blinks, frowning to himself. His eyes wander the sidewalk and he takes another drag as he mulls over Butters' words and considers his answer. He closes his eyes and nods, smoke billowing out of his nose and mouth.

"Together," he admits, opening his eyes. "I want the together one. I'd rather..." he rolls his eyes. "Risk it all with Kyle, then stay here on my own."

Butters smiles, daring to hope that his job may be done.

"Then I think you have your answer."

Eric smirks at him quizzically, pulling back from the wall.

"How did you get so smart?"

Butters feels all hot behind his ears.

"I've always been smart, Eric." He smiles, rolling his eyes. "But, uh, I learned a couple of things from Kenny."

Eric snorts.

"Yeah, dude's like a fucking fortune cookie," he says, putting out his cigarette. He gives Butters a small smile. "Thanks, Butters."

"You're welcome, Eric."

He has to resist the urge to tuck his hands behind his back like when he did when he was all bashful as a kid.

Eric drops the smile, clearing his throat.

"Oh, and uh, sorry I called your girlfriend a slut, by the way."

"Thank you. I appreciate it... " Taking advantage of this newfound confidence, Butters pulls away from the wall and lifts his chin. "I'd appreciate it more if you said it to her though."

Eric snickers softly, like he's humouring Butters as much as he's respecting him right now.

"Alright, you got it."

Butters smiles tightly at him in appreciation, and now his flush has subsided the cold has started to nip at his fingers again.

"I'm glad I could cheer you up but I'm really cold so I'm gonna go back inside now."

Eric nods, and follows him.

"You know what would really cheer me up-"

" _Boom Boom Pow?"_ Butters asks with an arched eyebrow.

Eric chuckles and shakes his head.

"Damn, you really do know me."

* * *

Kyle hadn't heard from Eric since he did his interview, so when he's woken up by a phone call from him at 1am his mind immediately rushes to the worst. Eric sounds just as exhausted as Kyle, and their conversation is brief, bloated with doubt, and suspicion, and other emotions Kyle is too tired to face. Eric just tells him to come to the office, because he has something he really needs to show him, and there's an offer he wants to make. Even though it's random, and inconvenient, and ridiculous, Kyle always finds it difficult to refuse Eric, especially when his curiosity is piqued. So he now finds himself on an eerie elevator ride, heart and mind racing at the thought of seeing Eric again and what could possibly be waiting for him. 

The elevator announces his arrival to no one with a ding, and through the sliding glass doors Kyle can see that the lights to the conference room are on. Their bright, stark bulbs are the only things lighting the entire office. It's not as if he hasn't been in the office this late at night, but he would usually be leaving at this time, not arriving, and he certainly wouldn't be wearing pyjamas.

Even though Kyle left a month ago, and people still work here, the office feels abandoned as he makes his way to the conference room, like every piece of furniture is turned away from him in condemnation. He wonders if anyone has been in his office since he left. Karen may have gone in to collect a few things, and he wonders if Eric has been in there when he's been feeling particularly melancholy or if his coping strategy has just been to lock the door, ignore what is inside, and pretend that Kyle is still sat in there, going about his business.

He slips into the conference room quietly, but Eric still jumps to his feet when Kyle enters. Not only does he look startled, but drained and timid. He has a stubbornly patchy five o'clock shadow, and his glassy eyes are framed by restless, dark circles. Still, he wipes his palms on his thighs and grins at Kyle like he can revive him.

"Hi," he says, and Kyle can't tell if he's whispering or just breathless. "Thanks for agreeing to come down here."

"Yeah, Eric, what is all this?" Kyle asks, frowning at whatever is standing behind Eric that is covered in a sheet.

"Just take a seat."

Kyle sits down, looking at Eric warily to continue.

Eric closes his eyes and takes a bracing breath, clasping his hands in front of him.

"I know..." he takes another breath, like he wants to start over. He opens his eyes. "I know you said you wanted to leave the company, to have some time alone to figure out what it is you wanted to do with your life, and to try to make up for all the bad shit they showed in the documentary. I don't know if you've come up with anything yet, but I think I have an idea."

Kyle blinks. He was definitely not expecting this, and he has, in fact, been unable to come up with anything to right his wrongs, so he's willing to hear Eric out.

"What?"

Eric gives him a small, promising smile, eyes twinkling. He removes the sheet to reveal a blueprint for a building called the _South Park Daycare for Crack Babies_.

"A... a daycare?"

"Yeah!" Eric grins. "This is just a rough blueprint. But I'm thinking it could be a place for parents to access support for their addiction problems, and for their finance and housing issues. And it can be a specialised daycare for the babies with nurses who can attend to their needs while their parents go to work, or go for interviews, and we can liquidate the league! We can liquidate the league, and all the money can go into funding this, and hell, we probably have enough to build centres like these all over the country!"

"That..." Kyle whispers, astounded, and as his eyes roam the endearing, exciting blueprint it fills him with hope in the way guilt normally does. He smiles and nods. "That sounds amazing, Eric."

"Right?"

"And everyone is okay with this? The board?"

Eric nods, triumphant and decisive.

"Totally one hundred percent behind it! This really does seem like the only way we're going to get any credibility and support from the public again. Plus..." he smiles, looking into Kyle's eyes. "It will make you happy, and that's all I really care about. So what do you say?" There's a noticeable, hopeful waver in his voice and he rubs his hands on his thighs again. "Are we doing this?"

It's unsurprising that Eric wants an answer now. Patience isn't exactly his strong suit, and even though it seems and feels like something Kyle should say yes to immediately, there is something nagging at him. The thought that he is taking something from Eric, and not knowing what he can offer him in return. His ultimatum had some credibility to it, and he meant it at the time, but it haunts him now, like ultimatums tend to do.

"I... of course, I want to do this. Eric, this is better than anything I could have ever imagined." He frowns, drops his head a little. "But..."

"What?" Eric presses, stepping closer.

When Kyle looks up at him, Eric is searching his face for the snag, for the hitch in his wonderful plan. Kyle fidgets in his seat as he summons the courage to say it aloud, the one thing that worries him about all this. It's embarrassing to even think it.

"Is it going to be enough for you?" he whispers.

Eric's eyes dim a little and he frowns.

"What do you mean?"

"This company has been our life since we were ten years old. It's given us so much success, and we've put our all into it. Are you really prepared to give it all up?" Kyle asks, brow creasing. "You love this company, Eric-"

"But I love you more."

Kyle wishes it were that simple, and he knows that Eric believes it truly is.

"I know you love me, but once this is all gone... will I be-" he catches his embarrassing, revealing slip up. His face burns, but he hopes Eric won't notice what he said. But one look into his wide, incredulous eyes tells Kyle he did. "Will _this_ be enough for you? What if this is not enough for you?"

"Hey..." Eric whispers, kneeling down so he's pretty much face to face with Kyle. "Not enough for me?" he asks, stroking his cheek. It's enough to make Kyle's nose and eyes sting. Eric smiles. "You are _everything_ to me."

Kyle smiles too. His heart prickles and pushes tears into his eyes, and he sniffles in appreciation.

"Yeah, I love this company," Eric adds, hand still on Kyle's cheek and thumb absent-mindedly stroking him. "We've put a lot into it and it's given us a lot back in return. But the reason I love working here isn't because of what we do, or how much money we make, but because of the fact that I get to work with you every day, and that we get to do this together. You are the smartest, strongest, most amazing and capable person I have ever met, and I didn't see that until we started all this. And as soon as I saw it, all I wanted to do was make you proud-"

"I am proud of you," Kyle blurts out, because he wants Eric to know it. He removes Eric's hand from his cheek and holds it tightly. "Eric, I have never been prouder of you than I am right now."

Eric smiles, eyes glistening and crinkling in the corners. He rubs his lips together in an effort to smother his tears.

"I can't do this alone, Kyle," he says, in a soft, broken voice.

"You won't have to." Kyle grins. "I'm in."

Eric blinks and his jaw drops a little, like there was a part of him that was genuinely concerned Kyle wouldn't come on board.

"Seriously?"

Kyle nods, with a choked, waterlogged laugh. He can feel some tears on his cheeks. He gives Eric's hand a squeeze.

Eric's lip is wobbling, and it's harder for him to keep his tears at bay.

"I've missed you so much," he admits, and a tear escapes and rolls down his cheek.

Kyle nods.

"I've missed you too..." he replies, before getting out of his seat and throwing his arms around Eric's shoulders.

They hold each other as tightly as they did following the documentary airing, when it felt like their whole world was coming apart. But burying his face in Eric's shoulder, and feeling Eric's contented, relieved sigh in his hair, Kyle feels like their world is being pieced back together. Wordlessly, magnetically, their lips connect and with hot breaths and earnest tongues they seal it, their world fused together again. Eric presses his forehead to Kyle's when their lips part, noses brushing together, and Eric kisses the tip of Kyle's nose. Kyle snickers, before their attention turns to the rest of the office visible through the glass walls of the conference room. It seems less like a haunted place Kyle has abandoned, and more like the set of a beloved TV show where so many fond memories were made.

"Wow, guess we better take one last look at this place..." Eric smiles, arms still wrapped around Kyle.

"Don't worry, we'll be here for a while. The lease isn't up yet. May as well use what time we have left for this place to be the headquarters for the ' _South Park Daycare for Babies with Pre-Natal Cocaine Exposure_.'"

Eric's brow furrows, puzzled.

"Huh?"

Kyle rolls his eyes and smiles.

"That's the politically correct term for crack babies."

"It's not as catchy though."

Kyle chuckles.

"I think political correctness wins here."

"God, we practically grew up here, Kyle." Eric gasps, returning to his reminiscing. He pulls Kyle closer as if to tug him into his own memories. "We came of age here! So much happened in this building..."

Kyle nods, before he remembers one thing they didn't get to experience here.

"Well, except..."

"Yeah, except we got cockblocked by Craig and Clyde." Eric snorts, shaking his head. "What a bummer."

Kyle pulls back, incredulous at Eric's gall and short-term memory.

"You orchestrated the cockblocking!"

Eric snickers, he can't even deny it.

"Another instance where my hilarious practical jokes foiled an opportunity to get laid." He sighs. "Still, guess we missed our chance there..."

Kyle's eyes roam the empty conference room, and he thinks this may be their best chance yet. Plus, now that they're reunited he wants to break this month long fast, and celebrate their reconciliation.

"I don't know..." he muses, slowly unzipping his jacket and never taking his eyes off Eric. "We could always..."

Eric's jaw drops, and Kyle has to stifle a laugh at his yo-yoing eyes, trained on the zipper of Kyle's jacket before they ping back up to look at his face and confirm that this is really happening.

"What, now?"

Kyle nods as casually as he possibly can, removing himself from Eric's embrace and perching on the table, slipping his jacket from his shoulders. Eric needs no further convincing, cupping Kyle's face and kissing him hard enough that Kyle almost falls backwards. Eric's hands soon move from Kyle's face to the hem of his t-shirt, and their mouths separate so Eric can remove it, discarding it on the floor. Shirt off, Eric cradles Kyle's jaw and directs him to his lips again while Kyle unbuckles Eric's belt with quivering, sweaty hands and pulls his shirt out of his pants. He breaks away from Eric's hot, eager kisses to peck the corner of his mouth, his chin, and jaw as he unbuttons his shirt, nipping and sucking at his neck as he works. Eric moans lowly, and Kyle can feel the vibrations in his throat. He soon feels a hand between their bodies, delving into his tented pyjama bottoms and wrapping around his cock. He gasps against Eric's neck, and clutches his open shirt, keening immediately to Eric's hand.

"No underwear, huh?" Eric murmurs in his ear.

"It's nearly two am..." Kyle protests, eyes slipping shut. "I was in bed when you called-"

"I'm literally not complaining..." Eric cuts in, voice gruff and hungry.

Their mouths collide again, hard and enthusiastic, and every breath when they come up for air is heavy, and laced with soft moans as Eric continues to leisurely jerk Kyle off. But when Eric's pace quickens, Kyle's head tips back and his moan startles him in the quiet conference room, a room where he has never been touched like this before. In his haze, he can feel Eric grinning against his neck, and so decides to fumble for his zipper and reach for his erection. Eric gasps and moans as soon as Kyle's hand is wrapped around it. Kyle chuckles mischievously, tongue poking at his lip and he looks up at Eric with dark, wicked eyes.

" _Kyle..."_ Eric gasps, and it's enough to make Kyle whimper too.

Before they can both cum, Eric lowers Kyle down onto the table. It's not comfortable at all, but when Eric tugs Kyle's pyjama bottoms down and climbs on top of him, kissing and rutting against him, the hard, wooden table seems to disappear beneath Kyle. Eric's hands roam down Kyle's side, digging his fingers into his hips and ass and wandering his thighs, lifting them and rutting harder against him while Kyle clings to his chest and tugs at his hair, all the product coming off on his fingers. They pant and whimper into each other's mouths, tongues brushing together. 

"Wait, we don't have any-"

"It's okay," Eric cuts in, kissing Kyle. "I got it covered."

He peels himself off of Kyle, turning him around unceremoniously and dropping to his knees. Kyle's eyes fly open and he gasps as Eric pushes his tongue inside his hole. His body jerks and wriggles as Eric's tongue rocks tentatively in and out, and he inadvertently dry-humps the desk.

" _Aaah..."_ Kyle moans. Eric has buried his face in his ass, kneading his flesh with firm hands. _"Aaah, Eric..."_

Kyle is a drooling, panting mess by the time Eric has finished eating him out, and he continues to kiss and nip at Kyle's cheeks and thighs as he preps him with his fingers.

"Ready?" Eric asks after a couple of minutes.

Kyle nods, cheek smushed against the desk.

"Yes..." he whispers. His eyes drift shut and he moans. "Yes..."

A little voice in the back of his head fears Eric is just going to leave him like this like he did before, but when he feels his hard cock pressing against his hole he knows that nothing could stop Eric from fucking him into the desk now. And that's exactly what he does, pushing his cock inside Kyle and fucking him hard and fast. Kyle cries out with every thrust, and his face burns at the vigorous, rough squeak of his body against the polished surface, his cock leaking pre-cum onto the wood. Eric's groans and grunts rain down on him, and the side of Kyle's face is starting to grow numb and tingly from being pressed against the table for so long. Amongst the jostling he manages to prop himself up on his elbows, peeling his cheek away from the desk and grimacing at the long line of drool hanging from his lip. Eric huffs, hands clamped on Kyle's hips and Kyle cries out when Eric starts pulling him back onto his cock, moaning as he's forced to fuck himself on it. Even though it's after office hours, the fact that they're fucking in a place where they held important meetings, where meetings will continue to be held, and a place that only expects professionalism is definitely exciting, and the titillating side of shameful that makes Kyle's stomach clench and his balls draw tight. Plus, it just feels amazing to connect with Eric after a month apart. He hasn't felt too horny or sexually frustrated during their separation, but now he's having it he's realising just how much he missed sex with him.

Without warning, Eric slowly pulls out of him. Kyle whines at the feeling of his hole being empty and stretched, left unsatisfied.

"What... " Kyle looks over his shoulder. "Why did you-"

Kyle is cut off when Eric flips him over, and whatever words he was about to say or whatever train of thought he had evaporates under Eric's dark, hazy eyes boring into him from above. He gulps, but lets Eric spread his legs and pull him closer so his cock bumps against his hole. His knees are either side of Eric's hips, his calves dangling behind him, and his hips hover above the desk. Eric leans forward, close enough to Kyle that he can feel his laboured, hot breath on his skin. Eric tries to keep his eyes on Kyle as he guides his cock inside him, his tongue prodding at his lip as his eyes flit between Kyle's agape mouth and creasing face, and his hole stretching around his cock. When he's filled Kyle up he collapses into him, one arm resting beside Kyle, propped up on his elbow, and the other is tucked under Kyle's knee as he fucks him slow and deep. Kyle's startled whimpers when Eric was re-entering him soon melt into soft, contented moans, and he can't be mad that the dirty, rough tempo has been replaced by something gentler because it's been a long time since Kyle has felt this present and in the moment during sex.

His eyes drift shut and his head falls back, and he can feel Eric's nose and open mouth against the side of his neck, humid moans seeping into his skin. Kyle clambers for Eric, tugging at his shirt and feeling his muscles writhe and chest heave as his cock rubs against his belly. He clutches his hair and wants to touch him everywhere, and when Eric starts kissing his neck, his collarbone, his jaw, behind his ear, his earlobe, his hairline, and face, it feels like Eric has achieved that. His mouth is everywhere, except his lips. Kyle tilts his head, and their lips finally meet in a sloppy, earnest kiss.

"Love you..." Eric pants.

Kyle nods, his heart and throat constricting but he's determined to say it back.

"I love you too..." he whispers. "I love you so much..."

Eric moans and kisses Kyle again. They leisurely kiss and fuck for a few more minutes until Eric cums inside him, crying out against his cheek. He continues to thrust into Kyle, slow and indulgent as he rides his orgasm out. Kyle bites his lip and bucks against Eric, rubbing his leaking cock harder against his belly until he cums in between their bodies. Eric snickers, delirious and breathless, and pulls out of Kyle to flop down beside him. They kiss again sloppily, and Eric pulls back to wipe the globs of cum off his and Kyle's bellies, sucking it off his fingers.

Kyle's eyebrows draw together, and he snickers.

"Gross..." he mutters, turning his head.

"What?" Eric chuckles, before he snuggles into Kyle. He nuzzles below his ear. "I love how you taste..."

"I don't care," Kyle replies, despite the shiver that runs down his spine at Eric's words. "It's still gross."

"How is it any different to when we suck each other off? I always swal-"

Kyle cuts him off with a hard kiss. Their mouths twitch with smiles.

"You've been smoking again..." Kyle says when they part. He's coming down from his post-orgasm high and he definitely smelt it on Eric's clothes.

"What?" Eric balks unconvincingly. "No! No, god, what would make you think that?"

Kyle raises his eyebrows.

"I could smell it on you..."

"Oh." Eric frowns. "Oh yeah, then I have." He shifts a little on the uncomfortable desk. "In my defence, I have been heartbroken for the past month. I could have done worse."

Kyle sighs.

"As long as you're not going to keep it up-"

"I won't," Eric interjects, hand on Kyle's face and looking into his eyes.

Kyle smirks.

"Then maybe we could have one last cigarette on the roof? Like we used to?"

Eric grins, brushing his thumb against Kyle's cheek.

"I can do that."

They get dressed and hand in hand head to the roof. This was their meeting place to decompress after a busy day, during turbulent periods, and when they just needed space from everyone else. Before they got together, they would just wander aimlessly, and chat, and smoke, and when they became a couple they would still do the chatting and the smoking but sit with their arms around each other, snuggling together to protect each other from the cold. Kyle's favourite time of day to come up here was early evening, when the sun was setting and the sky was a beautiful peach shade that seemed to make the air warmer somehow, even in the fall. But he supposes this is nice too, in the early, cobalt morning dappled with stars, with the town asleep, and wrapped up in Eric's coat.

"So was it what you imagined it would be?" Kyle asks, taking a drag. "The office sex?"

"Yeah, it was fucking great. I didn't think the circumstances would be so emotional but it was still hot as hell. Did you like it?"

Kyle nods, smiling at Eric.

"Yeah, I did. It was nice to just..." he stops himself, figuring it's better left unsaid. "Never mind." He takes another drag.

"No, what?" Eric snickers, but Kyle can tell he really is curious.

Kyle sighs, looking into Eric's eyes.

"It was nice to connect with you again. This past year I hadn't really felt that and it sucked, because that was never a problem before."

Eric frowns sympathetically, because while Kyle is sure he had no issue connecting with him, he probably hates the fact that this was a problem at all. He wraps his arm around Kyle and pulls him close, kissing his hair.

"Well, I hope it won't be a problem again."

"I don't think so," Kyle pulls back to look into his eyes. They haven't addressed their separation all night, and he thinks it's time. "This time apart was so hard and I'm glad it's over now, but I think we needed it. I needed to tell you all those things that were bothering me-"

"You can always tell me when things are bothering you," Eric says, rubbing his arm. "I want you to be happy, Kyle."

Kyle smiles.

"I know, and that's why I should have more faith in you."

Eric smiles, and kisses his hair again.

"I'll always come through for you, babe, and yeah, this really sucked..." he sighs, before beaming again. "But I think it's going to make way for something better."

Kyle nods, beaming too and kissing Eric's lips.

* * *

Kyle's first week back at the office has been challenging, but exhilarating too. Everything is in the middle of being overhauled, like a new house being gutted and renovated for something stronger, and sturdier, and worthier to be built on the foundations. He and Eric have been in meetings with the board constantly, and it's heartening to see Craig, Clyde, and Butters standing right alongside them, supporting their ideas and developing their own. Kyle is glad they have been able to foster this kind of environment over the years. He and Eric have also been in meetings with the hospitals, with their lawyers, and with the families of the players too, having conversations they never had before. Kyle used to tell himself they listened to the families of their players, that they took their concerns on board but he knows that wasn't good enough before, now that they're really listening.

Still, amongst all this exciting change it's nice to return to the traditional. He could never forget how decompressing Friday night karaoke was, but he can never remember it being this lively. He supposes the excitement of what's to come is rubbing off on everyone.

There's a loud cheer, and Kyle turns his head to see Bebe giving everyone a big wave as she walks through the door, slipping off her coat and handing it to Butters. Kyle smiles, but can feel Eric tensing up beside him. Butters had invited her, providing the perfect opportunity for an olive branch.

"Go on..." Kyle murmurs.

Eric looks over his shoulder with a small, unsure frown. Kyle gives him an encouraging smile and a nudge. Eric nods, getting up and clearing his throat. Bebe is busy talking to Heidi and Karen but when she turns around and spots Eric, her grin wilts immediately.

"Bebe," he says.

Bebe eyes him up and down.

"Eric..."

"I, uh... I'm sorry about how it all went down after the documentary, and I'm sorry I called you a slut. That was uncalled for."

Bebe purses her lips, fidgeting a little as she tries the apology on. She smiles, deciding it fits.

"Thank you," she replies in her most gracious voice. "I accept your apology, and I'm..." she grins at Kyle. "I'm glad you guys have worked things out."

Kyle gives her a smile and a nod.

"Thanks," Eric replies.

"Thanks, Bebe."

Eric looks over his shoulder at Kyle, just to check how he's doing. It's all going well so far. Kyle forgoes a thumbs up for a nod, which also serves as a prompt.

"So... Butters told you about the changes we're making, didn't he?"

Bebe straightens her shoulders.

"Yes, he did. It sounds very exciting. Is it all going well?"

Eric nods, rubbing the nape of his neck.

"Yeah, it's going great except... we're trying to find a new PR manager but it's hard, and... honestly, there's no one we trust more than you."

Bebe's composure cracks, her face falls a little in disbelief.

"Really? Even after..."

"That was one error of judgement, Bebe-" Kyle cuts in.

"Yeah, amongst a lot of great work you did for us," Eric adds. "We would love it if you came on board."

A smile spreads across Bebe's face but she disguises it behind her big, blond hair, lowering her head.

"Alright," she replies, looking up and flicking her hair over her shoulder. "I'll think about it... over a rum and coke?"

"You got it."

Eric gets his wallet out of his coat, and Kyle watches them head to the bar feeling extremely proud. He's been feeling that a lot lately.

Bebe sits with them for a little while to discuss some details of her new role, and to enjoy the karaoke together. She eventually returns to Butters' side and that's when Eric takes to the stage. He actually looks nervous as he fiddles with the mic, or at least Kyle feels nervous for him.

"Alright, uh... I know I don't normally say this, but I wanted to thank you guys for coming tonight," Eric says. "A lot has changed at CBAA recently, but I'm glad that this is one tradition we're keeping alive, especially now Bebe and Kyle have joined us again."

Kyle flushes and is unsure whether he should join in with the applause.

"I'm sure you guys will agree it hasn't been the same without them." Eric smiles. "When I was a kid I always thought I would be happier alone, that people were only incompetent idiots who let you down, and the only way I was ever going to succeed was if I did everything all by myself but if it wasn't for you guys I wouldn't be where I am now, starting this whole new adventure so... thanks for proving me wrong, I guess."

That statement is followed by more raucous applause, and a wolf-whistle from Kenny. The crowd hushes however, when the intro to _It's All Coming Back to Me Now_ pours out of the speakers.

"It'll come as a surprise to no one that I'm dedicating this song to Kyle..." Eric says as he waits for the song to begin. He smiles at him. "Kyle, you don't know how fucking happy I am that you're here right now, and I'm also so happy that you haven't been here these past few weeks to listen to my embarrassingly revealing song choices. But this is for you. You know Celine Dion wrote this song for Terrance?" he asks, like he's a lounge singer. He grins. "Pretty sick, huh?"

" _There were nights when the wind was so coooold!"_ Eric sings, eyes shut and head thrown back _. "That my body froze in bed if I just listened to it right outside my window. There were days when the sun was so cruuuuuel! That all the tears turned to dust, and I just knew my eyes were drying up forever..."_

Kyle smiles, chin resting in his hand even when it becomes apparent that Eric has not chosen the radio edit, but the original 8 minute long version of the song. His smile doesn't waver once, not even as he shakes his head in disbelief, or laughs at his histrionics. It's impressive he isn't hoarse or exhausted as he reaches the end of the song.

" _Baby, baby, baby!_ " he belts out, before stepping off the stage, approaching Kyle with an earnest smile as he continues to sing. " _When you touch me like this, and when you hold me like that, it was gone with the wind but it's all coming back to me."_ Kyle hides his laughter behind his hand _,_ catching everyone else's wide-eyed amusement out of the corner of his eye. " _When you see me like this, and when I see you like that, then we see what we want to see, all coming back to me. The flesh and the fantasies, all coming back to me, I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me nooooow!"_

Eric drops to his knees, eyes squeezed shut and mouth open wide, Adam's apple bobbing rapidly in his throat. After he's finished riffing on that note, he takes Kyle's hand and looks into his eyes. Kyle notices his sweaty hair stuck to his forehead, his chest heaving.

" _And when you kiss me like this... and when I touch you like that... and if you do it like this..._ " Kyle purses his lips when Eric adds a cheeky snarl to that line. " _And if we..."_ he whispers dramatically to finish.

The room fills with applause, and Kyle tugs Eric's shirt and pulls him to his lips, kissing him hard.

"Wow..." he smiles when they part. "This is gonna be hard to follow."

Eric shakes his head, panting and dazed.

"Sing Rush to me, Kyle, for all I care..."

Kyle's mouth scrunches up and he shakes his head.

"I had something else in mind..."

With that, Kyle snatches the mic off him and Eric slides into his seat.

"Hey guys, it's good to be back!" Kyle grins, and his friends applaud. He looks at Eric, who is smiling at him widely with intrigue. "Eric, this is for you..."

" _Can't count the years on one hand that we've been together!"_ Kyle sings, bopping up and down to the perky beat. " _I need the other one to hold you, make you feel, make you feel better! It's not a walk in the park to love each other! But when our fingers interlock, can't deny, can't deny, you're worth it! 'Cause after all this time... I'm still into you..."_

Kyle normally never dances when he sings, but he's encouraged to jump around and sing his heart out when his friends are cheering him on, and his amazing, infuriating, always surprising boyfriend is grinning at him with all the love in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not midnight where I am yet, but happy new year! This year has been so chaotic, difficult, and strange but I really hope next year is better for us all, and that you guys are all well despite the circumstances! This has been a year full of positives and negatives for me personally, and like everyone, has been marked with a lot of disappointment and frustration. But one thing I am grateful for is that I've still been able to write, and I have been so happy with the stuff I've produced this year. It really helped get me through the year, and I hope that this and anything else you might have read by me this year has brought you as much happiness and fun as I had writing it. Thank you for supporting me, and I hope you enjoy whatever I post in 2021! Stay safe, and I hope you all have an amazing new year! Part 3 will be posted soon! <3


	3. come home to my heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter in which I totally rip off a scene from The Office. But it's one of my fave scenes that makes me cry like a baby so I had to include it, and I felt it was the perfect way to end this. Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoy, and I'd love to know your thoughts. Chapter title is a lyric from Supercut by Lorde.

**One year later**

Kyle isn't all that into fate, but he can't help but think that a bright, pale blue sky is a good omen for the opening of the _South Park Daycare for Babies with Pre-Natal Cocaine Exposure_. It's been a busy, relentless, exciting, and extremely gratifying year and Kyle can't help but be reminded of the first few years of starting the CBAA. That was an exciting learning curve too, but Kyle is in no doubt that he is embarking on something worthwhile and meaningful, that he is laying the groundwork for a legacy he can be proud of. And after their bump in the road last year, all these new challenges he and Eric are facing together really has reignited their spark. Many times this year their eyes have met during a meeting, almost bashful like they're little kids again, and Kyle is reminded of how grateful he is that they get to do this together; or Eric will be thinking out loud with giddy enthusiasm and it can't help but be tuned out by Kyle's immense, audible pride in him. Two years ago, Kyle would never have thought he would be reminded so frequently of his love for Eric, but the more it's been happening the more he's been realising he does want to make this Official. He wants to stand up and let Eric and the whole world know just how much he loves him, and wants to do right by him, and promise him devotion. Marriage no longer feels like a formalising of a life Kyle was already happy with, but a new adventure to embark on together.

Mingling with various investors, medical professionals, and families of former CBAA players who they have been consulting with, it's easy for Kyle to imagine that this is how his and Eric's wedding reception would be like. They will be overjoyed and basking in the well-wishes, but really just wanting to be alone together. Kyle can't wait to go home with Eric, exhausted but content, and celebrate all on by their selves.

Kyle is pulled out of a conversation with one of their investors by a tap on the shoulder from Bebe.

"Guys, it's time to cut the ribbon."

"Yes!" Eric says with a fist bump. "Kyle, please can I be the one to cut it?" he asks, with needless puppy dog eyes.

Kyle rolls his eyes and smiles.

"Fine. I wanted to say a few words, anyway."

"Oh yeah, that's totally your domain." Eric grins, walking backwards as they make their way over to the ostentatious, red ribbon. "You give a speech, and I'll cut the ribbon with the giant scissors."

"You know, the scissors are not that big," Bebe points out.

Eric stops in his tracks, crestfallen.

"What?"

Bebe ignores him, instead taking her place at the podium where a crowd has already formed.

"Hello, everyone! Thank you for coming out today. We're about to unveil what will hopefully be the first of many of our daycare centres, but before we do that, our CFO, Kyle Broflovski, would like to say a few words."

Bebe welcomes Kyle to the podium with applause, and the crowd soon follows. Kyle hears an enthusiastic 'yeah!' from Kenny.

"Thank you, Bebe, and thank you everyone for all your support," Kyle begins. "This has been an overwhelming, life-changing year, and I cannot be happier that we have now arrived at this point, opening - as Bebe put it - what will hopefully be the first of many of our daycare centres." Kyle looks out over the beaming crowd. "We're so proud of what we've achieved, and we hope this centre and others like it will provide support and security to families who need it most for many years to come. I-"

Kyle's words disappear when he sees a familiar figure emerge next to Kenny. Stan. The crowd, the centre and everybody else just seems to disappear around him and only the past is visible. He clears his throat and grips the podium, reaching out for the present. He looks up, and sees that Stan is unfazed, smiling at him to continue. Kyle can only offer a weak smile in return.

"I, uh... I-I want to thank all our wonderful staff for making this dream a reality. I want to thank all the families we have been consulting with, for sharing your experiences so we can make this centre the best possible environment for you all, and I want to thank my incredible partner for keeping me sane during this whole process."

There's a ripple of laughter from the crowd, and Kyle and Eric share soft smiles.

"Thank you, everyone. We couldn't have done it without each and every one of you standing with us today." He looks at Eric again and smirks. "So without further adieu, Eric..."

Eric grins and his eyes flash, already holding the not-so-giant pair of scissors. They are still big though, and difficult to manoeuvre, so Kyle joins him to help cut the ribbon. The journalists at the front of the crowd soon start taking photographs, and call out directions for Eric and Kyle to look in. Eric wraps his arm around Kyle's waist, and Kyle copies him, smiling into the cameras although he's desperate to talk to Stan. Once they have taken all the photographs they need, Kyle can feel his nerves get the better of him and he doesn't want to let Eric go.

"You alright?"

Kyle blinks, dazed, and nods.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He lowers his head. "It's just that Stan is here..."

"He is?" Eric asks, scanning the crowd. "Fuck, finally! I was expecting him, like, an hour ago."

Kyle pulls back, staring at Eric with wide eyes.

"What? You knew?"

Eric shrugs, smiling sheepishly.

"Yeah, I invited him. I thought you would want him here." He frowns, wary. "Should I not have-"

Kyle cuts Eric off with a hard, grateful kiss. When they part, all the doubt has disappeared from Eric's face.

"No, that was an amazing idea, Eric." Kyle smiles. "Thank you. It's just been so long that I don't really know what to say."

"Well, 'hey dude, how it's going?' sounds like a good start."

Kyle smirks, holding Eric's hand and dragging him over to Stan. Their intertwined fingers definitely help to calm his nerves.

"Hey, dude..." Kyle says breathlessly. He can't stop staring at Stan, in disbelief that he's seeing him in person after so long, and not on Instagram.

"Kyle." Stan grins. "Hey, man."

Kyle doesn't care if it's weird, he just throws his arms around him.

"It's so good to see you," he whispers, hoping he can disguise the thickness of his voice and the wetness of his eyes in his embrace.

"Yeah, you too," Stan replies, returning the hug. He soon pulls back, his own eyes gleaming. "I'd ask you what you've been up to but..."

Kyle snickers, and rubs the nape of his neck.

"Yeah, this is pretty much the extent of it."

Stan looks up at the building and nods, taking it all in.

"It's awesome, dude." He smiles at Kyle. "I'm really proud of you."

Kyle nods, nose stinging. He's never realised just how much he needed to hear that.

"Thank you."

Stan's smile starts to crinkle, before he rubs his mouth and looks at Eric, as if to alleviate some of the tension.

"Cartman," he says, holding out his hand. "Nice going, man."

Eric nods, and shakes Stan's hand.

"Thanks, Marsh." He smiles. "Nice of you to finally show up."

Stan chuckles, and shakes his head.

"Yeah, sorry, my flight was delayed."

"By ten years?"

"Eric!" Kyle hisses, elbowing Eric's side.

"Ow!" Eric grumbles. "It was a joke, Kyle!"

"Listen, do you guys have to stick around or can we go grab a drink?" Kenny asks, clapping Stan's shoulder.

Kyle looks around, before looking back at Eric. Eric shrugs at him, as if to say 'why not?'

"Uh... I guess that should be okay?" Kyle says with a smile.

"Awesome." Kenny grins. "Hey, Butters!"

Butters looks up from a conversation with Bebe.

"You wanna grab a beer with us, man?"

Butters perks up like a puppy who's been tempted by a walk. He looks to Bebe, who smiles at him and nods.

"Sure, fellas!" he replies, before giving Bebe a quick kiss.

"Dude, I still can't believe they're dating," Stan leans in to murmur to Kyle.

Kyle chuckles.

"Yeah, it was a curveball for sure but they're pretty great together."

Stan nods, and gives Kyle a small nudge.

"You and Cartman seem really happy too."

A smile spreads across Kyle's face. He's a private person, but it's heartening to know just how visible their happiness is.

"We are," he replies. "It's been a tough year, but I don't know what I'd do without him."

When he says that, he becomes very conscious of the small box he's been carrying around in his pocket for about a month now. It's times like these where any nerves evaporate, and he wants to get down on one knee and ask Eric there and then, but he's waiting for the right time. He wants it all to be perfect.

* * *

Kyle has never been so anxious or giddy in all his life. It's a strange combination. He's finally going to pop the question, and he knows that it's going to be awesome, and that Eric is going to love what he has planned. He catches himself grinning at his idea, fantasising about that joyous, perfect moment where Eric says 'yes.' His biggest worry? Blowing it. Especially tonight. They have made a reservation at Steed, but later than Eric thinks so Kyle can propose _before_ dinner. He's not so arrogant to think that Eric will remain completely oblivious. He knows him too well, and right now Kyle feels like there is a thick layer of anticipation, and anxiety, and excitement covering him that is impeding his every movement, that is clearly visible.

Driving helps him keep his cool, but he has to bite the inside of his cheek to smother a wide smile, or a nervous giggle as he heads for the office, rather than CtPaTown. Eric doesn't voice his confusion until they pull into the underground parking lot.

"Why are we here? I thought we had a reservation at Steed."

Kyle unbuckles his seatbelt, trying to be cool or aloof, which he thinks is an oxymoronic mission.

"We do, but I left something here and I need you to help me find it."

"What is it?"

Kyle smiles, rolling his eyes.

"Just come with me."

Eric blinks, smiling to himself as he unbuckles his own seatbelt. As they leave the car and walk to the building, Kyle finds Eric's hand. Their fingers slot together. Both their palms are clammy, only convincing Kyle further that Eric knows what's up. When they reach the foyer, Kyle presses the button for a very specific elevator. He turns to Eric with a beaming smile.

"Since we'll be moving out of this building soon, I thought it would be fun if we took a little tour, and reminisced about all the great things that happened here."

Eric blinks again, a grin spreading across his face.

"Okay..." he nods. "Sounds fun."

Kyle squeezes his hand.

"Alright."

The elevator doors open and they step inside.

"Do you remember what happened in this very elevator?" Kyle asks, as they begin their ascension.

Eric's mouth scrunches up, and he looks around the elevator as if searching for clues.

"Um..." he snorts. "I farted in here once and blamed it on Butters?"

Kyle rolls his eyes, lifting their joined hands and giving Eric's chest a soft 'thump.'

"No, it wasn't that."

"That was funny though."

Kyle huffs.

"No, nothing juvenile or supposedly funny happened in here. Something quite serious happened in here."

"Oh..." Eric's face dims as it dawns on him. "Oh, is this where-"

"Yep, it's where I told you I was leaving the company and that I wanted a little break," Kyle cuts in, voice taut. As much as he wanted Eric to remember, it's an uncomfortable memory.

Eric sighs.

"This isn't a very fun tour for me, Kyle," he points out, arching an eyebrow.

"Just listen, okay?" Kyle implores softly. "Yeah, this is the setting of a bad memory but it was also the catalyst for something great, and maybe if that hadn't happened we wouldn't be standing here today..." he rolls his eyes and smirks, remembering the conceit he has to roll with. "Taking this tour."

Eric chuckles, bashful.

"Alright, I get it now."

They reach their desired floor, and the doors open out onto the lobby.

"Okay, so the next memory doesn't involve these exact vending machines but why don't you take a look at what's at the bottom?" Kyle asks.

Eric smiles at him, before reaching for the packet of M&Ms in the dispensary, that have been opened and then crudely resealed. He grins, tongue poking out a little as he opens them. Kyle stands and watches with his hands behind his back.

"Notice anything?"

"They're all green." Eric looks up at Kyle, fond. "Your favourite colour."

Kyle purses his lips, chin lowering slightly.

"Yeah, I remember when we were still in the old building, and I had been at the company for about a year. It was when we were dealing with the licensing agreement with EA-"

"The year from hell? I remember that."

"Anyway, I remember being so stressed that I had a complete meltdown, and the next day you gave me a packet of M&Ms but you had taken out the rest and left the green ones, and it was then I realised that I had a crush on you." Kyle sighs. "When I realised that, it felt like a huge weight off my shoulders. Honestly, I feel like not knowing what those feelings were was a big contributor to my stress."

"Well, at this point I feel like I remedy your stress as much as I contribute to it."

Kyle chuckles, biting his lip and reaching for Eric's hand again.

"Let's go in here."

Eric tips a couple of M&Ms into his mouth, before abandoning the packet, and letting Kyle lead him through the sliding doors.

"Again, this was in the old building but if you stand..." Kyle's tongue prods at his lip as he grabs Eric's shoulders and manoeuvres him exactly. Kyle is standing a couple of inches away from the copier, his back to it, and Eric is stood in front of him. He smiles, hands sliding down Eric's arms. They share soft grins. "Right here, this would be where we had our first kiss. Do you remember? We were working late, and the copier was busted and I was going crazy trying to fix it-"

"And I came out of my office trying to help-"

"Yeah, but you just made it worse and we were yelling at each other but then we-"

"Kissed." Eric sighs sweetly, before his grin turns wicked. "Yeah, I remember... and I think I pushed you up against it, like this."

Eric grabs Kyle's hips and presses him against the copier, mouths colliding. Kyle doesn't fight it, and throwing his arms around Eric's shoulders and pulling him closer so their bodies are flush, it feels like he's sliding back into the memory of that very first kiss.

"Guess we couldn't be too mad at Butters and Bebe for doing the exact same thing, huh?" Eric teases when they part, foreheads pressed together.

"That was different," Kyle replies, a little breathless. "It was after hours." He smoothes down his shirt and clears his throat. "Come on, let's keep going..."

Kyle takes Eric's hand and leads him over to the conference room. They stare in, like it's a lively tank at an aquarium. It's empty now, but if Kyle looks hard enough he swears he can see the outlines of his colleagues moving about, their presence very much embedded into the room.

"At that very table, you asked me to join the company." Kyle turns to look at Eric, and Eric's eyes are drawn to him too. "And even though there were challenges, and a lot of conflicting emotions, if I knew back then just exactly what we'd end up doing, and what I would be gaining, I'd say yes a thousand times over."

Eric's smile twitches, and Kyle can see his adam's apple bobbing in his throat. Kyle loves it when he's speechless, it always means he's onto something good. Eric's gaze soon drifts back to the conference room, and his smile broadens. His arm snakes around Kyle's waist.

"Do you remember what else happened at that table?" he smirks, tugging Kyle closer.

Kyle flushes immediately, and the question must be rhetorical because of course Kyle remembers.

"Eric..." he murmurs, before simmering down and looking earnestly into his eyes. "Yes, I do remember, and that night... I was reminded just how much I love you, and that you would do anything for us."

Eric's wicked smile fades into something more modest. Kyle finds his hand again and leads him past the conference room. They turn the corner, and Butters, Clyde, Craig, Heidi, Karen, Scott, Bebe, Stan, and Kenny are all lining up in the corridor, each holding candles, the small flames illuminating their beaming faces. Kyle is filled with pride and excitement that pushes out all the fear from his body.

"Oh my god..." Eric gasps. When Kyle looks at him, his eyes are glittering with tears already, ecstatic. "Oh my god, I knew it! You were doing the Michael and Holly proposal thing! Say it!" he grins, squeezing Kyle's hand.

Kyle's smile crumples, and he takes a shaky breath.

"This is where our love faces its toughest test," he says proudly. "After this, it's just smooth sailing for the rest of our lives."

Eric gasps again, and clamps a hand over his mouth.

"You memorised it!" He purses his lips, tears threatening to fall from his lashes. "I love you so much."

Kyle leads them slowly down the corridor, and with their friends beaming as they begin their weighted march, it feels like they are walking down the aisle already.

"Eric, will you marry me?" Butters asks. His cheeks must be aching he's smiling so hard.

Eric lifts his chin and shakes his head, incredibly pleased to reject him.

"Nope."

"Marry me, Eric?" Craig asks.

"No." Eric shakes his head. "You've got enough on your plate as it is."

Kyle tenses and Craig's face drops.

"What the hell? Kyle, you said-"

"I know, I'm sorry. It's from the show, just..." he sighs, before smiling at Eric. "Let's keep going."

They stop in front of Bebe, and she has to swipe at the corners of her eyes before it's her turn.

"Eric, will you marry me?"

Eric smiles.

"No..."

"Cartman, dude, will you marry me?" Kenny asks.

"No..." Eric chuckles.

They are now stood in front of the oval window that overlooks Main Street, and every inch of the room is glowing with candlelight. They are placed on every available surface, except a spot right by the window. That's reserved just for them, for Kyle to get down on one knee. He leads Eric over to that spot, taking both his hands. Eric's lip is wobbling, and he alternates between taking it between his teeth and pursing it to smother his tears. They instead roll soundlessly down his face. Kyle takes a shaky breath, for Eric's tears are infectious and he really needs to keep it together. This is the most important speech he will ever make. It doesn't stop his nose from stinging, or stop the hundreds of little flames from blurring into a romantic halo surrounding Eric.

"This building holds so many memories, good and bad, but the good outshines every unpleasant, mundane memory because you have been by my side no matter what, and I know that whatever happens, whatever bumps in the road we have along the way we'll get through it. When I look back at everything it will be with no regrets and so much good shining through, because I'll have you. In my past, and my present, and hopefully my future. For the rest of my life. This is where I fell in love with you, and it's where I ask you to marry me."

Kyle slides his hands out of Eric's, reaching into his pants pocket for that small box. He gets down on one knee, but Eric joins him. Kyle smiles, he should have expected that. Eric chuckles too, shaky, and wipes the tears from his cheeks. Kyle decides to get down on both knees too.

"God, I hope I can get this right..." Kyle chuckles.

He opens the box to reveal a simple, silver band and Eric chokes on a gasp, fresh tears welling in his eyes. Kyle clears his throat, to suppress the tears in his voice, and so he can deliver his best Yoda impression.

"Eric Cartman, marrying me will you be?"

Eric is crying unabashedly now, face pinked and creased, and wet with tears.

"Your husband becoming... be will I!" he laughs.

Kyle cracks up too, both of them caught between crying and laughter. Their hands steady just enough for Kyle to slip the ring on Eric's finger, and after admiring it in the box for weeks it never looked so beautiful as it does now, wrapped around Eric's finger. Their fingers intertwine, and their lips meet. They don't stop kissing even as they get to their feet, just wrap each other up in a tight embrace and deepen their kiss. Kyle is pulled out of his deliriously happy haze by the sound of their friends cheering. They both grin in their direction, before their eyes meet again.

"Damn it, I was hoping the sprinklers would go off," Kyle says with only the faintest of sighs, staring into Eric's lidded eyes.

Eric shakes his head, grinning.

"It's perfect," he replies, cupping Kyle's face and bringing him to his lips again.

This time they're pulled out of their haze by the shrill, relentless smoke alarm and the sprinklers dousing the room. They missed their cue, but Kyle doesn't care. Nothing else matters now Eric has said 'yes.' Everyone's gasps are soon replaced by more cheers and hysterical laughter.

"I love you," Kyle says, voice thick. He squeezes the nape of Eric's neck.

"I love you too," he murmurs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist can be found here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1krFAhf0TK6FlddfD0tUDU?si=fNNiG295RJusFhPwVyy_fA
> 
> Thank you so much again for reading! <3


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